It’s night, so the cameras attached to our chests are using infrared. That’s why everything looks black-and-white. Ash has a primitive-style bow he made with some men from the tribe. There’s probably a previous episode that shows him making it while I was with some other men who were showing me how their traps work.
As we watch, I’m off to Ash’s left, and suddenly a huge porcupine is in front of me, but I don’t see it.
“Watch out!” Ash calls out in a loud whisper.
I’m about to run into the walking ball of needles when Ash releases an arrow that completely misses the animal and goes right through my calf. It takes a second for me to realize what happened, then I clutch my leg groaning in agony.
“Oh shi—” Ash yells, a beep cutting off his curse. Then, ignoring me like I’m just fine, he says matter-of-factly, “Guess I should have practiced first. Its aim is way off.”
I’m hopping around in the background, yelling bleeped-out expletives at him.
Blondie bursts out laughing like it’s the funniest thing she’s ever seen. But that’s just the beginning. All of my stumbling around and yelling startles the porcupine, and the wicked little animal spins around and whips its tail with deadly accuracy leaving dozens of sharp quills lodged into my other leg.
Blondie is laughing so hard her eyes start to water.
Ash yells, “Hold on, bro, I got this.”
He fires another arrow that misses the porcupine and goes through my calf right below the first arrow.
“Oh shi—” Ash yells. “Sorry bro. Hold on; I’ll get it this time.”
Suddenly an elderly tribesman yanks the new arrow from Ash’s hand while shaking a finger at him. More beeps go off as I continue to curse at Ash. Then, unexpectedly, a young tribal boy no older than thirteen and standing a good distance behind Ash, shoots an arrow straight through the porcupine’s heart. As if it was part of a script, the animal and I go down at the same time. Then you hear Ash’s voice narrating, “The porcupine will make a valuable meal for the tribe, and this is a good opportunity to practice my first-aid skills.” I’m on the ground, clutching my legs with bleeped-out curses.
The scene cuts to Ash standing over me with, “Man, that’s messed up.”
I look up at him and manage to groan out, “You think?”
Blondie is flat-out crying she’s laughing so hard.
In the video, a tribesman breaks off the first arrowhead and yanks the shaft from my leg. I stifle a deep groan at the pain. He does the same with the second arrow, and you can tell how bad it hurts from my scrunched-up face, tense jaw, and gritted teeth. Ash disappears, then shows back up and drops to his knees by my side with some iodine and a roll of gauze. He cleans the wounds and starts wrapping my leg while a couple of the tribe’s boys start pulling quills out of my other leg. There are thirty-three barbed quills and each of them hurt like hell when they’re yanked out. As a boy pulls the last one from my leg, the screen fades to black and my voiceover says, “Don’t forget to subscribe, and hit that bell so you don’t miss what happens next.”
Blondie sets the phone in her lap and wipes her eyes dry with the back of her hand. “Well, I can see why you have so many subscribers.”
“Yeah,” I mutter, a little taken aback at the quality of the video. I had no idea what Elsie’s production staff was doing, but that looked like a real TV show. I’ll have to get Ash to take a look.
Out of nowhere my stomach grumbles reminding me how long it’s been since I’ve had a chance to eat. “Well,” I say sitting up and grudgingly coming to my tired feet. “We should head to that lodge while we still have some light left.”
“Of course.” Following my lead, she gets up too. “So what happens now? I mean with the film crew.”
I need to put this fire out before we leave, and the easiest way is to kick snow on it. To my surprise, instead of standing there watching, which is what I’ve come to expect from people, she helps with her cute-as-hell furry boots.
“They’ll probably be here tomorrow,” I answer. Elsie moves quick when it comes to things like this, and I have no doubt this place will be buzzing with a small army of production people by tomorrow afternoon. It’s not my favorite thing, but I’m used to it.
“It sounds so interesting.”
I can hear it in her voice. She wants me to invite her. Can’t say I blame her. For someone who hasn’t seen what it’s like, I’m sure it’s quite the experience. It’s going to be hectic with all the lighting, sound, and set guys who play a huge role, not to mention the people operating the cameras and booms. I’m sure there will even be cameras mounted on drones with special pilots to fly them. Then there’s the director and producers with all their assistants. A lot goes into every detail. It’s different than just the two of us out in the wild with our GoPro cameras. For this sort of thing Ash and I will be “fixed” by wardrobe,makeup artists and stylists. We used to think it was so ridiculous, but Elsie made it clear that Ash and I are not allowed to have those thoughts, at least not out loud. And when it comes to what she wants, we learned a long time ago to be good boys and not fight her. In her defense, she has made us rich, so we can’t really argue.
Satisfied the fire is out, I shoulder my pack and we start walking. I didn’t answer her veiled attempt to be invited. I wanted to, more than I should have. I wanted to ask her to come before she said anything. Hell, right now I want to invite her to dinner… then back to my room. I want to, but I won’t. She’s a nice girl and Veronica was right; she deserves better than someone like me. When we get back to the lodge, we’ll part ways and that will be that.
“So, you and your brother go camping for three months at a time? That’s insane. How many of these trips do you guys make?”
From all the footprints in the snow, there’s a clear trail to follow in the dimming light. “We try to get in three trips a year. It keeps the YouTube channel going, and to be honest, Ash and I love it.”
She looks up at me with a frown. I know what that means. She’s already figuring it out.
“So you’re home only three months out of the year?”
Well, if she was wondering if I’m boyfriend material, she’s got her answer. “Yeah, not much of a life for anything else. We’re pretty busy.”
