“I do. I’ve given this a lot of thought. You will, too, and you’ll come to your own conclusions. Give it some time. But as for coming on this trip, put yourself in her shoes.You’rethe one with cancer and you have a daughter who has no social life, no life of any kind because of you. How do you feel about that? How do you feel about your daughter having to work so hard and having to give up everything just so she can take care of you?”
“I don’t know.”
“C’mon, you do too. How do you feel about it?” I give her a second to consider what I’m saying before I press further. “I think you know, so let’s move on. You just got some good news from your doctor. You have hope, not for yourself, but for your daughter. Maybe you’ll beat this and she can have a life again. You want that more than anything. She’s your daughter, and nothing is more important to you than her happiness. Now your little girl has an opportunity to get away for a few days and be with people her own age, friends she can have fun with, and in Las Vegas no less. Are you excited for her? Are you relieved that she gets a break from taking care of you?”
“You make it all sound so terrible. This isn’t helping.”
I can see this is upsetting her, but I keep pressing. “Think about it. You’re the burden and your little girl gets a chance to do something girls her age do all the time—have a life, even if only for a few days. I think that means everything to you. I think you forget about the pain, the nausea, the fight to keep going, and you go to sleep for the first time in a long time with a smile thinking only of her. For the first time since your little girl spent a weekend at aski lodge in California, you fall asleep truly happy. Would it have been different if you fell asleep to the sound of your daughter’s sewing machine, knowing she’s going to be up for several more hours working her ass off? Could you fall asleep happy then? Don’t you see? Coming here was the best gift you could have given her. It was—”
She sets her mug on the coffee table and lunges forward, throwing her arms around me with fresh tears in her eyes. Her cheek is pressed against my chest as she convulses with a sob. I’m not sure what to make of it, but I gently stroke her back not knowing what else to do. Did I push too hard? Maybe it was too early for this conversation and she wasn’t ready yet.
After a moment, with her head buried in my chest she whispers, “Thank you.”
I pull her into me wrapping her up in my arms. “I just wanted you to see the truth.”
I feel her arms come loose, just enough for her to look up at me. “I love—” She stops, pulling in a shallow breath. “I mean… what I meant was I really appreciate what you just said.”
I think she almost told me she loves me, but I’ll chalk that up to emotions. She’s still in my embrace so I give her a squeeze as a way of saying she’s welcome. The awkward moment is over, and to my relief, she rests her cheek against me again and we just sit here for a while. It’s nice and feels right. I continue rubbing her back with, “It’s going to get better, I promise.”
***
I bite back a groanas I check my watch. We must have fallen asleep. It’s a little after two in the morning and she’s been nestled into my chest, our legs intertwined as I’m sprawled out on the sofa.
She feels good on top of me. I love the warmth of her body and I could lie here like this all night. If only that were possible—but she stirs, probably because I lifted my arm to check the time.
I can feel her breath on my skin at the opening of my shirt. After a moment, her chin tilts up. She blinks, then rubs her hand across my pecs. Her lips are parted as her breaths quicken. All thoughts leave me as a new sensation takes over. The air is thick with it—like two magnets being pulled to each other beyond their control. Heat fills me and I lower my head. Our lips are so close. Those soft, soft lips.
Her eyes say yes. I lean in, and our noses touch. A rush of adrenaline sends my heart racing. My nose travels down until my lips brush across hers. She closes her eyes and releases the softest moan. I couldn’t stop myself if I wanted to, and right now, I don’t want to. I kiss her. I really kiss her, with passion and caring and sympathy all rolled into one overwhelming emotion.
After a moment, just enough of me knows this is a terrible idea so I start to pull back, but she reaches up and grabs my face and pulls my mouth to hers, kissing me eagerly with so much hunger and desire I’m lost. That tiny part of me that questioned all of this just evaporated into thin air and the only thing I know is how bad I need this. But, more importantly, I think she needs this even worse.
We’ll just have to figure it out later.
CHAPTER 26
Maddie
This is a bad idea.
Deep down, I think I know this is terrible timing, but I need to feel something other than this soul-crushing sadness. I need the pain to be less… painful.
A small part of me died inside with the loss of my mother. I thought we had more time. But as I sat here with that mug of hot chocolate, I realized something. As hard as it is, for months I’ve been preparing for this outcome. I was forced to with each disappointing doctor’s visit. Regardless, while I may have been mentally prepared to lose her, I wasn’t prepared for the guilt. Nothing could have prepared me for that.
My whole world had been collapsing around me since the moment Dad called. She was dying while I was having the time of my life a thousand miles away, thinking only of myself, partying while she was alone. I couldn’t process that. I couldn’t accept that. I couldn’t see how I could ever live with that.
Not being there when she passed would have hauntedme for the rest of my life. I hated myself for it and depression was already turning my heart to stone.
Then there was Riggs.
What he said made so much sense. Coming here wasn’t as selfish as I imagined and realizing that has blessed me with the tiniest sense of relief. He was also right about something even more important to me—Mom died happy. She died happybecauseI came to Vegas. I never would have seen it that way, not in a million years. But, thanks to him, I can see it now.
Don’t get me wrong. I miss her and I’ll miss her every day for the rest of my life, but when I think about her, one thought will prevail—Mom died happy. Thanks to Riggs, I’ll cherish that thought for the rest of my life.
The big guy is turning out to be so much more than I expected. It’s clear he cares about me. He’s been taking care of me in so many ways—new tires, new sewing machine, and as nice as those things were, what he did for my mother was nothing short of heroic. It was after eleven at night when I asked him for advice about how to deal with nausea. Mom was having an especially bad episode only for me to discover we had run out of her nausea medicine. I was expecting Riggs to tell me about some home remedy like Earl Grey tea or perhaps a breathing exercise, but he didn’t. Instead, he made calls. A lot of calls, and somehow, an hour later our doorbell rang. My jaw nearly fell to the floor when I found myself taking a small brown paper bag from a delivery guy. It was Mom’s medicine. I couldn’t believe it. A delivery of a prescription drug at midnight? It shouldn’t have been possible, but somehow Riggs made it happen. I remember crying as I padded down the hall to Mom’s bedroom with anoverwhelming sense of relief. And as miraculous as that was, he just might have outdone himself today. He literally rescued me from a life of self-loathing.
That’s just one more thing to add to a long list of things that I’ve come to appreciate about the man.
As I’ve gotten to know him over these past few months, things have definitely changed. Now I see what could be. I even talked about this with Mom and she agreed. She never got the chance to meet Riggs, something I think I’ll always regret, but from all the things I told her about him, things I learned when we would text back and forth for hours, her exact words were, “He sounds like a keeper.”
