Maddie
“He’s not in the hospital,” Rhonda whispers.
She’s been calling everywhere she can think of to try to find my dad. Meanwhile, the priest is at the podium, ready to begin with a prayer, but I held up a finger begging him for one more minute.
Rhonda is sitting directly behind me, which I’m realizing was a huge mistake. Some woman on the church’s staff thought she knew best when she insisted on these seating arrangements. I should have put my foot down and done things the way I wanted, but I was too overwhelmed with all the other details she was throwing at me. Still, I would have made Rhonda sit with me if I hadn’t been so distracted by my dad’s absence. This whole thing is turning out to be one big disaster, and I’m about to lose it. I turn my head and lower my voice so only she can hear me. “We all know where he is.”
Earlier, I called the casino and had them page him overhead in the poker room, but he didn’t answer. That doesn’t mean he’s not there. Most likely, he just ignored the page knowingwho was trying to find him and why.
I guess I’ve lost hope of him being a decent human being and give the priest a nod. With a shrug as if to say he’s sorry, he bows his head and offers the invocation. Afterward, he shares some kind words, and then it’s my turn. Riggs gives my hand a light squeeze before letting go. Normally, the thought of public speaking would terrify me, but I’m too angry at Dad to be scared now. I’m sure everyone in this chapel has noticed his absence, and they all know what he’s doing while his children bury his wife of thirty-four years. I should be mourning my mother, but instead, I’m cursing my father.
At the podium, I look over the audience for a moment, then take in a deep breath. “Thank you for coming. I see so many friendly faces, people who have known me my whole life, people who were friends with my mother for as long as I can remember. Mom would be so happy that you came to say goodbye. I’m sure she would want you to know she’s grateful for the time you were able to spend together. That’s what made her so special. She knew what was important in life—not money and things, but her relationships with people, with each of you.” I can’t help it, a tear rolls down my cheek as a tremble forms in my voice, but I press on. “I miss her so much. I won’t ever stop missing her. She taught me how to be strong, how to care, what’s truly important in life, and most important, how to love unconditionally.” I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. I should have brought some tissues. “Above all else, Mom loved us, her children. It didn’t matter what we did, how many mistakes we made, or all the times we didn’t show her how much we loved her back. None of that mattered. She loved us the same with all her heart.” I look down at the casket. “Until we meet again,Mom, we love you… I love you.”
Before I fall apart completely, I wipe my eyes once more so I can see my way back to my seat. Riggs puts his arm around my shoulders and whispers, “That was perfect. She would be proud.”
I lean my head against his shoulder. I’m so glad he’s here.
Dad doesn’t show up at the cemetery either. As my mother’s casket is lowered into the grave, the only people present are the priest, my brothers, Rhonda, Ash, and Riggs.
When it’s all said and done, we part ways to change clothes with plans to meet up later at Mom’s favorite place in the whole world—the Oregon coast. Riggs and Ash got us all hotel rooms so we can spend the evening watching the sun set over the ocean without having to worry about driving back.
Standing on the beach with his arm around me and my head leaning against his side, I can’t imagine how this week would have gone without him. How would I have done everything on my own? It would have been a lot harder for sure.
I’m glad they’re all here, even Josh and Keegan. They’ve been nice to me all week, and I keep thinking that maybe this could be a new start for us. I certainly hope so.
As the sun disappears, we say our good nights, and to my complete surprise, Keegan gives me a hug. Before I can say anything, Josh joins in, hugging us both. None of us says a word. We don’t have to. The hug says it all.
***
Riggs is sitting on the sofa in our hotel living room, opening a bottle of wine. “I can’t believe your dad. How does he not show up?”
I find two wineglasses in the kitchenette. “I assume he was playing poker. Probably still is. Who knows? Either way, it was so embarrassing.”
“Can’t say I wouldn’t have been embarrassed too. Dumb thing is, he’s the one who should be embarrassed, not you.” When I slide in next to him, he pours the wine. I take a sip and then set my glass on the coffee table so I can snuggle up against him. I love the warmth of his body. “Right? Why should I be ashamed? I didn’t do anything wrong.”
He puts his arm over my shoulders and starts running his fingers gently up and down my arm. “I could tell you were stressed, but you handled it well. It’s been a long day, how are you doing?”
I have to think about it for a moment. “I know this might sound kind of cliché, but when I think about Mom now, I picture her surrounded by friends and family and she can finally relax without any worries or pain. It’s like she’s in this wonderful place, and she’s super happy.”
“Nothing cliché about that.”
“For so long, all I could do was worry about her. Everything—the cancer, her suffering—it was always there.”
“And now, no more worrying. That goes both ways, you know. She doesn’t have to worry about you either.”
“Yeah, it’s like this huge weight has been lifted, like she and I can finally be happy for each other. It’s hard to describe.”
“Believe me, I understand.”
I lay my head on his side with my hand on his chest. “Iknow you do.” I can hear his heartbeat and find the steady rhythm comforting. He’s comforting. All of him, not just the way his giant, hard body feels right now, but how he handles everything and how he’s always looking out for me. How did I get so lucky to find a man like this?
We stay like this for a while, just cuddling without saying a word. It’s like he always knows what I need even when I don’t. But as wonderful as this is, the way we’re lying is making my leg cramp. I shift, but it’s not the most comfortable sofa.
I can tell he’s not comfy either by the way he groans as he shifts his hips to the side. “You know what sounds good right now?” he says.
“What?”
“The jacuzzi.”
