“No,” I say. “It wasn’t you.”
“It was, though,” he says. “If we hadn’t—”
“I’m the one who left,” I say before we can dance too close to whatever dangerous memory he was about to bring up. Some part of me had just wanted to give him Oregon, keep a country between us so I couldn’t mess things up any more than I already had. “I just— I needed to be…”
“On the other side of the country?” Ren supplies.
I exhale a laugh through my nose. “Something like that.”
“I’m serious, Joni,” Ren goes on. “You’re one of us no matter what. Everyone misses you, but no one faults you for not being here.” He glances around the room like it represents the house, our families, and I see that mask falling, the best friend I used to know so well starting to show his face. “It’s all here for you, whenever you want it.”
As we lift another table, Ren’s words ringing in my head, I almost forget I have anything to worry about at all.
chapter fourteen
Leo sends a text to everyone to meet in the yard at sunset, and to wear all black.
“Do you think this will work?” I ask, holding up a navy blue tank top I usually wear to Pilates. I brought black leggings, shorts, but somehow, nary a black shirt made it into my suitcase in my haste to pack and get the hell out of New York.
Ren looks up from where he’s tying the laces on a pair of black Vans, all in on the dress code. He gestures at his black hoodie hanging on the last hook above the dresser. “You can wear that.”
“Thanks,” I say, stacking it on top of my folded leggings. “I’ll go change.”
“I’m done.” Ren straightens from the edge of his bed. “I can stand guard?”
I nod. People have a fun habit of using the screen porch as a shortcut from the front yard into the house, often without knocking.
I lock the doors into the mudroom while Ren steps out into the yard. We’ve already closed the curtains, but I can see his shoulder through a tiny slit as he leans against the door frame.We used to do this for each other all the time, talking through the door before swapping places.
“When’s the last time you played capture the flag?” I call as I slip off my shorts. I kick them over to the dresser, then reconsider, bending down to retrieve them and stuffing them into a drawer instead.
“Maybe sometime in high school?” Ren says. “But I honestly couldn’t tell you.”
“It’s one of those games you’re just kind of born knowing how to play, isn’t it?” I pull on my leggings. “Did we ever play together?”
“Wewerenotorious for joining in on social activities in high school,” Ren says.
“Youwere a joiner.” I tug his sweatshirt on over my tank top, something sparking in my chest at the familiar smell of it.
“I was on a couple teams,” Ren says. “There’s a difference.”
I grab my sneakers and tap on the door. Ren shifts away and I push out into the cool night air, sit on the steps to put my shoes on. “Okay, but lots of people wanted to be your friend,” I say. It’s a skill I envied, his ability to make people feel at ease. Ren could navigate any crowd, whereas I tended to stick to people I already knew.
He sits down next to me, arm brushing against mine. “That doesn’t mean I liked everyone.”
“Doesn’t change the fact that everyone liked you,” I say, hooking a finger into the heel of my sneaker so I don’t have to untie the laces. “You could have been prom king if you didn’t spend so much time with grouchy old me.”
“Please never suggest that again,” Ren says, a smile lifting his cheeks as he looks out at the darkening sky.
“The prom king part?”
He glances back down at me. “All of it.”
I bite the inside of my cheek, but it doesn’t stop the smile that grows.
Headlights come through the trees, Leo’s brother, Oliver, and bandmates arriving for the game.
Ren stands, holds a hand out toward me. His fingers settle against the underside of my wrist as I take it, his eyes locking onto mine at the contact as he pulls me up to standing.
