Thad’s steps stop. “Ren,” he hisses again. “I can hear you.”
Ren’s eyes dart toward the sound. We wait for a minute, hardly breathing. Seemingly satisfied that I’ll be quiet, the hand he has on my mouth slides away and comes to rest where my shoulder curves into my neck, pinning me in place.
There’s another rustle from a spot on the other side of the tree, close to where we last heard Thad.
“Did you find him?” a voice asks—the drummer, Dev, I think.
“No,” Thad says. “I swear, if he’s defecting—”
Ren’s eyes fix on mine, questioning. I shake my head.
“I have to,” he whispers. “They’ll think we’re conspiring.”
“They’ll think we’re conspiring if they find out we’ve been hiding,” I whisper back. “And then we won’t be able to play anymore.”
His gaze drifts over my head, a muscle working in his jaw. He’s about to say something when their footsteps shuffle closer.Anxious not to be caught myself, I fist a hand in Ren’s T-shirt and draw him in so we’re pressed together, flush against the tree.
Something like surprise passes over his face before his expression goes serious. I feel it like he’s run the corner of an ice cube up my spine. His fingers slowly move from my clavicle up my neck, under my hair. I curl mine tighter into his shirt, tilt my chin up as his eyes drop to my lips.
“Blue wins!” Leo’s voice rings out, followed by Stevie’s wail of disappointment. Thad and Dev’s footsteps take off in the direction of the yard.
For the span of two breaths, Ren and I stay pressed together. I’ve tried not to picture this moment, having him this close to me again. But now that it’s here, I realize that even if I’ve been able to avoid envisioning this fantasy—cool night air, us together, in the dark—that doesn’t mean I’ve figured out how not to want it. His chest rises and falls against mine, and I wonder if we stayed still, locked together like this, if anyone would come looking for us.
It’s the fact that Iwantto stay here that has my grip on his shirt loosening and my head ducking to the side. Ren takes the cue, steps away, running a hand through his hair while I remain propped against the tree, heart thrumming in my ears.
It takes him a minute to look at me, but when he does, all the life that was in his eyes earlier is gone. Time comes out of its slow crawl. “We should go,” Ren says.
I nod, still adjusting back to the moment. “Right. Don’t want them to think we’re conspiring.”
We walk back to the yard in silence. Sasha narrows her eyes at our late arrival, Stevie in a similar pose next to her, but neither says anything. Thad and Leo are too busy celebrating their victory to clock our presence.
We play two more rounds, but any competitive spark in me is gone. Sasha must notice, because she puts me back on guard at the swing set. When Thad sneaks in to steal our flag, I tag him half-heartedly at the last minute.We win. But it doesn’t feel like a victory.
When everything is said and done, blue wins it all, but only by one. Thad and Dev lift Leo onto their shoulders, the bassist bowing down to honor the king. Ren claps from behind them, but his smile is drawn in, the corners of his mouth tight.
“Where were you out there?” Thad asks him as we all trudge toward the house after. “We could have won by more if you didn’t totally choke the last two rounds.”
Ren pauses to untie the bandana around his neck, and Thad follows suit. As I pass them in the yard, my mind whirring, our eyes meet for a second before we both look down. “Sorry,” I hear Ren say, the enthusiasm in his voice forced. He slaps Thad on the back. “At least we won, right?”
I tune out the rest of their conversation.
Everyone cuts through the side yard down to the firepit, but I veer off to the porch and crawl into bed, determined to be asleep by the time Ren returns. I can still feel his hands on my neck, the familiar smell of his sweatshirt, the faint look of surprise on his face as our bodies swept together. I try to push it all away, remind myself it’s impossible. But the image of him comes floating back, unstoppable as the tide, again and again and again.
four years ago
Charlene and Mavis
Navarro, California
chapter fifteen
“Have you seen my black heels?” I call from my bedroom floor. It’s midnight, my window unit working double time in the thick July heat, I have an alarm set for four in the morning, and so far, all I’ve packed is the dress I’ll be wearing to my aunt Charlene’s wedding this weekend.
“These?” Stevie asks as she wanders in, the heels dangling by the straps from her fingers.
“Thief,” I say.
She deposits them into my hands before collapsing onto her stomach on my bed. “Is Collin taking you to the airport?”
