“And this,” she says, holding a brown flop of a thing aloft at the end of her admittedly short tour, “This is Baby Yaya.”
“Oh my god,” I say when she plops the goat into my arms and it rests its head on my shoulder. After hours of working on puppet animals, cuddling a real, breathing one makes me feel connected to the world again, like I just needed to touch some grass or, in this case, a baby goat. Baby Yaya nuzzles her soft chin against my skin, settling in. “I think this is my peak. It’s all downhill from here.”
I perch on top of a hay bale while my parents follow Donna to a separate goat pen. “Do you see this?” I say to Ren, who’s hovering nearby, as I run a hand over Yaya’s head. “I don’t think anything has ever been this tiny or perfect. Do you?”
It takes me a minute longer to look up than it should, because I’m still riding the high of quality sleep and this adorable goat in my arms. But when I do, Ren’s brow is furrowed as he types out something on his phone.
“Ren,” I say.
“What?” His gaze slowly moves up to mine.
I force a smile and proffer Yaya in his direction, hoping she might bring him back to the present.
But he just holds up his phone. “Amanda just asked me to call her. Two seconds?”
“Oh, yeah, of course.” I wave him off, watch him shut the pen gate behind him, phone to his ear.
I gingerly set Baby Yaya to the side, pull out my phone and take a picture of her curled up in a ball.
Hey!I send to Collin, and attach the picture of Yaya.This is what you’re missing.
When he doesn’t respond right away, I set my phone down, tuck my hands under my legs. I glance around the empty goat pen. I’m alone, on a hay bale, wearing shorts overalls over a vintage Bob Dylan T-shirt, Birkenstocked feet swinging. I’ve never felt less cool than I do right now.
My phone dings with Collin’s reply.
Nice.The three dots appear, disappear, and then promptly die as he sends,Goat alive?
Ren walks back in at that moment, eyes glued to his phone.
“Man, really giving our generation a bad name,” I say jokingly as he ambles toward me. When he doesn’t even look up, I try, “You’re giving a whole new meaning to the wholeyou hang up firstthing.”
“What?” Ren says.
Frustration flares through me. The whole point of this plus-one tradition was to spend time together, not justexistin the same place. If I’d known that this was what it would turn into, I would have considered staying in New York with Stevie this weekend, when our parents told us we didn’t really have to come. But, on top of loving Charlene, I’d wanted to see Ren, had assumed this tradition still mattered. “I didn’t realize you were one of those people whose entire personality would disappear just because you have a girlfriend,” I say before I can stop myself.
At this, his head jerks up and he flinches. He pockets his phone. “I’m putting it away,” he says as the gate creaks open and my parents come back in.
After my parents take a few photos with Baby Yaya, Donna points us in the direction of the neighboring co-op, and we mosey down a short trail. Ren hangs back with me, hands in his pockets. I feel a little guilty for snapping at him earlier. He’s here, after all, honoring our tradition despite having a girlfriend and a whole important life back in Portland. I know my anger is misplaced.
We pass over a small creek, and I stop to watch the clear water gurgle over the rocks, to bring my emotions under control. My parents continue on ahead, while Ren leans next to me.
“I really do remember you telling me about the movie,” Ren says suddenly. When I look at him, his eyes are on the creek,forearms dangling over the railing. “The one you want to take to the studio heads, right? Tell me more about it,” he says, turning to me, one hand on the railing. “It’s what’s keeping you up?”
I nod. “It’s just something we’re doing on the side. We’re probably still a year out from being able to pitch it, but Ramona approved the idea, at least.”
“Seriously?” Ren asks, eyebrows shooting up. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I shrug a shoulder. “We’ve both been so busy. It’s hard to find as much time to talk,” I admit. I’ve also felt like saying it out loud might jinx it. I’m worried that despite all the work I’ve put in at Novo, I’m still trying for too much, too fast. “But if I keep working hard, I might be able to slow down. Eventually. Hopefully,” I say.
“Can’t make a movie if you’re exhausted,” Ren points out.
“Yeah, yeah,” I say. “We’ve already covered my sleep schedule.”
He looks back at the water in front of us, throat bobbing. I stare at him, certain this is the moment he’ll tell me what’s going on, why he’s so off this weekend. If I did something to make it that way. “I know we haven’t been able to talk as much this last year,” he says. “I’m sorry about that.”
“We’re both—”
“Busy, I know,” he says. “But…” He shakes his head, trailing off.
