They would if we put one of those face ropes on us and had the big cat lady walk around with us.
Briana hadn’t actually spoken with Dahlia since before the landslide, though they’d texted several times. She took her phone out now to sendI have a silly idea but it requires your help. I don't suppose you’re in the town square somewhere?to her friend.
A few seconds later Doll wrote back with,I’m not, but I could be. Gimme twenty minutes?
Perfect,Bree wrote back.We’re going for a walk, so bring the right equipment,along with a goat emoji.
Doll posted a laughing emoji in response, and when she showed up considerably less than twenty minutes later, after a fierce hug and some tears, they snuck off to a sheltered space where Briana could shift into her mountain goat form. Dahlia was actually wearing a costume she'd put together for exactly the purpose of taking Briana-the-goat on walks: a Swiss goat-herder outfit which also worked perfectly well as Renaissance Faire garb, with a brightly colored vest and skirt, and a poofy-sleeved blouse. Her black curls were in two equally poofy ponytails, with hair ties that matched her vest, and Briana thought she looked incredibly cute.
She shifted, and Doll put the halter on her so they could walk into the fundraiser fair together, Dahlia calling, “My goat will eat anything for a donation!”
Most of what she was given was actually food. Cotton candy, a hot dog—the goat made horrible faces at that, but ate it—corn on the cob, a mozzarella stick. The goat liked that one enough that it followed the kid who’d given it to her around, bleating imperiously while Briana saidStop scaring the poor kid!in her head.
He doesn’t need all those delicious cheese sticks. I need them more. To balance out the hot meat taste in my mouth.The goat shuddered and Briana dissolved into silent laughter, unable to explain to her goat why ‘hot meat in my mouth’ was funny at all. Someone stopped Dahlia and offered fifty bucks to the fundraiser if Briana could eat a square of bubble wrap, which she could, except the goat didn’t like the way it poppedat all. Somebody else suggested a piece of metal, which the goat was game for but which Dahlia regretfully refused. Briana’s human digestion was grateful.
Then Laurie’s familiar, amused voice lifted. “Let’s get a pool going here. I bet if we can get five hundred dollars in the pot she’ll eat the shirt off my back.”
A hoot of enthusiastic laughter went up, and people started handing money to Doll, who counted it out,tsking when it looked like it might not make it to Laurie’s proposed dollar amount. Another flood of donations came in, and when it hit just over four hundred, Briana walked lazily over to Laurie, delicately took a hunk of fabric in her teeth, ripped it free, and began to chew.
Only it was the back pocket of his jeans, not his shirt.
Laurie yelped. The entire crowd let out an approving roar of laughter, and Dahlia briefly lost count of the donations because they started coming in so fast. Briana nibbled on Laurie’s leather belt. He said, “Myshirt!” but hey, Briana was a goat. She didn’t know the difference between a shirt and a belt. She bit through the belt and Laurie, who was at least a very good showman ifnothing else, yelped again and made a show of trying to hold his jeans up.
Briana was basically right at eye level with his butt, and could tell very clearly from how well they fit that his jeans were in no danger of falling, but she did appreciate the theatrics as she grabbed the bitten-through belt in her teeth and pulled half of it free. Then she began chewing it methodically as Laurie spun to give her a wildwhat are youdoing?!look.
The crowd cheered and Dahlia, at Briana's side, was laughing so hard she could barely stand up while Briana maintained direct eye contact with Laurie as she finished gnawing his belt to pieces. She tried not toeatmost of it, but only because the goat's ability to digest the impossible was considerably better than her own, and she was probably going to have to shift back to human before the whole digestive process was done. But she did chew it up as quickly as she could, and then stepped forward to grab Laurie's front pocket in her teeth.
Laurie shrieked, "No! Bad goat! Bad!" and tried to leap away, which inevitably tore the pocket free. Briana, who couldn't actually giggle in goat form, tried to anyway. She had to settle for an amused-sounding bleat as Laurie made a show of grabbing his jeans and covering himself up, even though all that was showing was his t-shirt, tucked into the waistband of his pants. "Enough! Enough! Dahlia, how much is in the pot? Can I run away now?"
"About seven fifty," Doll replied through her laughter.
A woman in the crowd yelled, "I'll top that up to a thousand if the goat will finish eating his jeans!"
Laurie, obligingly, howled, "Noooo!" while a flare of completely unexpected indignation flashed through Briana. Laurie washermate. Other women should not be rooting to watch Laurie's clothes get pulled off him.
You hypocrite,she told herself almost cheerfully. For one thing, she was literally the one who'd started pulling his clothes off him in public. For another, up until about two hours ago, she'd still been on the "do your thing" kick, and in all fairness, pulling his clothes off in public seemed like a very Laurie Torben sort of thing to do.
And Laurie, still theatrically, turned toward Briana and waved his hands frantically. "No! No! Leave me my jeans! Please, I beg of you, fair goat!"
Briana kept chewing the pocket she had in her mouth, trying to look contemplative. Goats were actually pretty good at that, so she felt it probably worked. Then, finally, she spat the pocket out and turned away with her best disdainful dismissal vibe. Dahlia fell into step beside her and the crowd parted, people still tossing bills into Doll's bucket, until they made their escape.
Dahlia managed not to start giggling again until they'd gotten to a safe location where Briana could shift back to human, and once she had, Doll said, "Oh myGod,Briana! What was that! Are you that mad at him for, like, existing?"
"I just thought it would be funny," Briana admitted with a grin, then, in more of a mumble, added, "He's maybe not that bad after all."
"Hah! Ah-HAH! Fate is having its way with you! I knew it!"
"See, this is why I was avoiding him! Well. Not really. I actually didn't think he'd be able to charm me. But it's not just that he's charming, although…" Briana made a face. "He is."
"Andhe's hot."
"I never denied that!"
Dahlia pursed her lips. "That's true, you didn't. Soooo tell me how he's won your heart, c'mon…?"
"Let's not gothatfar. But he's good in a crisis," Briana said. "And people seem to listen to him. And he's kind," she said almost irritably, which made Dahlia laugh.
"How very dare he." Doll bumped her shoulder against Bree's. "No, I'm glad, though. You gotta have a mate worthy of you."
