Atlas
And I want it all. Ask me why.
I’m not sure I want to know, scared I might dislike the answer, or terrified I might love it.
It gets too personal. Or maybe it did some time ago, and I allowed it.
I type the question and stare at it like it might send itself, but it stays on the screen, mocking me and my shaky resolve.
Atlas
I’ll tell you anyway.
I almost slap my own hand to stop myself from chewing on my nails, a nasty habit I’ve never had before, because letting a nerve-racking sensation consume me is not on brand for me. But that’s exactly what it feels like waiting to hear what a man like him might find in someone like me.
Atlas
Where others see your destructive side, I recognize a woman strong enough to fight for what she wants, not letting anyone push her around. You are a force of nature nothing compares to. Don’t let anyone tell you the darkness you possess is something bad. It’s the best part of you. A unique kind of darkness that brings light to me every time I think of you.
I’m so fucked!
Why does the necklace now feel heavier than it should?
Rereading the text, I memorize every word in case one day it’s no longer in my possession. I went radio silent on him, but I have no idea what to say. A pack-your-bags-and-leave kind of panic tries to settle inside me before another text pulls me back.
Atlas
Do not mistake the shape of the necklace for a heart. Those are your horns.
A heart would be cheesy. I knew those were horns.
Atlas
Just like you knew who you were kissing that night at the club, didn’t you?
Why is he asking this now? Of course, I knew, but he was nothing more than a target. Yet, when the memory of that night resurfaces, my thoughts are clearer when I close my eyes, reliving it as if it’s happening all over again.
His rough grip on my waist and hips—perfect. The way he balanced that roughness with a gentle kiss on my neck. How he took my punch and asked for more, reaching a delicate equilibrium between my assaults and his responses. The bite that made my whole body shiver in excitement, and my chest heave, unable to hide the pleasure coursing through me. My fingers in his hair being right where they belonged, awakening fire inside and refusing to leave me unscathed.
And that kiss . . .
I dreaded the moment I pulled away.
I did. And all I was thinking was that I’ll drag you to hell so you can see it feels like heaven compared to me.
Atlas
Drag me harder. All I want is your batshit crazy ass by my side.
That’s the thing, Atlas—once this is done, I’ll no longer be at your side. I’ll have to run, because in all likelihood, you’ll want to kill me.
You’re such a romantic.
Atlas
I know. That’s why your panties are soaking wet for me.
They are. But that’s one more truth I’m not going to admit to him, resenting how the small lies will pile on top of the big one. In the end, he won’t know what was real and what wasn’t.
