“But men know the pain of rape too. That’s all I’m saying.” Hesitantly, I tack on, “Once, long before us… I dated a woman who had issues. I couldn’t blame her. The spiral is intense and difficult to free yourself from.”
“What do you mean?”
“She liked certain things. To hurt.” I hesitate. “To bleed. For me to make her bleed.”
“Why?”
“She was one of Abramovicz’s favorites.” Her eyes flare wide. “I should not be discussing this on Christmas.”
“Tell me.”
I wince. “I always hated him, but he treated the whores atrociously. I earned a reputation for… pleasure. This particular woman?—”
“Say her name. She has a name.”
“Alyona. He’d be particularly brutal on her. Often, she’d come to me for pleasureandpain. Sex has always been twisted in my head, andsleeping with her fucked things up even more. She pressed for more. Always more. But she consented,zaya. You must believe that?—”
“Of course I do! What happened to her?”
“She killed herself.” I bury my face in her throat. “Abramovicz used a knife on her. When he took you,blyad, I wanted to slice him from mouth to balls, Victoria. I couldn’t have… If I let you get hurt by that animal onmywatch, I’d never have forgiven myself.”
Her fingers stroke through my hair. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”
“Only by the grace of God. I never want you to be afraid of me, Victoria. You must tell me?—”
“Hey! Shush.”
“You must!”
“And I will. I know where the knives are, Maxim.” She presses a kiss to my temple. “I’m not afraid to use them.”
“Good,” I bite off. “Always get first blood,katyonok. Even with me—always.”
The truth sinks between us but so does her acceptance. For a while, she continues petting my hair, then an alarm on her phone sounds and she heaves a sigh. “It’ll be a Christmas miracle if you make it out of an O’Donnelly family Christmas without getting into a fight with Brennan and Eoghan.”
I hear the teasing in her voice and make an effort to shove the past aside. It’s difficult but this is our first Christmas together and I won’t let anything spoil it. “I can hold my own.”
“Oh, I know you can. But you can’t hurt them?—”
“You’re tying my hands behind my back?!”
“They raised me, Maxim. So you have to be nice.”
“All this ‘be nice,’” I jeer. “You do know I’m a monster,kotik. It isn’t good for my soul to be nice to so many people.”
She pats my cheek. “You mean mobster.”
“I got it right the first time.”
“I have ways of saying ‘thank you.’”
“Oh?”
Her smile turns devious. “You haven’t opened any of your presents yet…”
SIXTY-TWO
MEET THE IN-LAWS
