I pressed his hand to my bump, my heart thumping with excitement for him. He stared at my belly, his eyes wide and brimming with tears.
Then she moved against his hand, and he let out a choked sob. “Oh, baby…”
I rested my hand on his, and he said nothing as tears rolled down his cheeks. Then when she’d stopped moving, he spoke, his voice a whisper.
“I’ll never let you down. Either of you. I promise.”
55
VICTOR
FOUR WEEKS LATER
Lila was twenty-five weeks pregnant. That meant our little girl was approximately the size of a zucchini, and god, I’d never loved a zucchini as much as I did right now. I stood stroking one in the supermarket yesterday, marvelling at the size as the other shoppers gave me a wide berth.
I couldn’t blame them. But our little zucchini could hear voices outside of the womb now, and I never stopped talking to her. Lila even let me sing to her last night; even though she was exhausted, the baby wouldn’t stop wriggling. So, I sang to her, and she must’ve fallen asleep when her mom did. I stared at them both for nearly two hours before going back to my room.
I’d kept my word, and we were taking it super slowly. I was still thanking every god that existed that she’d given me another chance. I really hadn’t thought she would. We had started therapy, and that’s where we were right now, in our third session. The doctor was nice enough, and she didn’t completely judge me for being a cheating asshole. It was fucking hard though, seeing Lila get upset. She didn’t seem too angry at theminute, which was good, but I’d take her anger over her pain any day of the week.
The doctor focused on Lila. Lila, who sat across from her, beside me, wearing cute dungarees that gave her bump plenty of room, her dark hair thick and glossy in her sleek ponytail, and her eyes wide as she nodded.
I loved her so much for even entertaining this. My heart felt like a piece of it was scarred so deeply that nothing could touch it but her. When she looked at me, I wanted to stab myself in the eye for hurting her. I wanted to kill myself at times, but she needed my strength, not my weakness.
“You said you wanted to tell Victor something today?” the doctor prodded gently, peering at Lila. “You felt you wanted to do it here, in a controlled environment?”
I blinked.
What? What did she have to tell me that she had to do here?
My palms began to sweat, and my leg began to jiggle with nerves.
God, what now?
“Yes.” Lila’s voice was calm and controlled, unlike mine which would probably sound like a hyena being strangled if I spoke.
“Go ahead; talk to Victor.” The doctor leaned forward and watched her intently, as did I.
“I was very angry at you, Victor,” Lila began, fiddling with her bright, colourful bracelet.
I nodded, my eyes darting between Lila and the doctor.
“So, I wanted you to feel what I did, the day I had to watch the video of you andher.”
I stilled.
Is this about sleeping with that British prick? I knew about that—we didn’t need to hash over that again, did we? God, I hoped not.
“So, I slept with Graham.”
I physically recoiled at the sound of his name.
“I know,” I muttered, clasping my hands together to stop them from shaking.
“But what you don’t know—” Lila continued slowly, her eyes meeting the doctors before she looked at me. “—is that I recorded it.”
I couldn’t think for a second, it was like all the neurons in my brain had gone off at once, clouding my vision and stopping all vital organs from operating normally. Dizziness took over, and I saw stars, but then I heard a voice.
“Victor, you need to breathe.”
