Lila would rather set me on fire.
I headed into the building, grateful for the cover from the rain. I stomped my feet on the makeshift mat and then started checking inside, my eyes burning with tears.
I loved Lila so fucking much. Yet I didn’t have any right to tell her that. I didn’t deserve her, but I still wanted her. It took losing her to realise it, and that made nausea rise in my throat.
She was pregnant, and because of me, she was in the middle of a divorce, trying to sell our house on a shitty wage.
“Fucking hell,” I muttered, peering into each room as my torch swept the dark corners. “You’ve really fucked this up, Rossi.”
But still.
It was something that Lila wanted to talk, and even if it was just for financial reasons, I’d take it.
Now all I needed to do was get through this shift.
36
VICTOR
Iwas walking to work the following morning when she answered my call, and her tired greeting made me stop in my tracks.
“Hey.” Her voice was soft and thin, like she was on another planet, and I could barely hear her.
Concern filled me, and I frowned, forgetting why I’d called her in the first place.
“Lila? Are you okay?”
“Yeah. You’re calling about my text, I assume.” Her no-nonsense attitude put me back in my place, but still, worry niggled in my chest.
She was carrying our baby. I hated the thought of her not feeling well. I wanted to make her better, and I couldn’t.
“Yeah.”
There was an awkward silence before I continued walking, glancing up and down the road before I crossed. There were barely any cars on the road at this hour, but you never could be too sure.
“I’ll be straight with you.” It sounded like she was sitting up, and her little groans made me clutch the phone tighter. “Thehouse isn’t selling. There’s no interest. The realtor said maybe it’s the wrong time to sell.”
“Okay.” I swallowed.
“I won’t be able to work when I’m further along with the pregnancy, so I just thought…you could move back in to help with the finances. Then you’re not paying double rent, either.”
There was no, ‘I miss you,’ or ‘you can be around me for the pregnancy,’ but I didn’t expect that. This was logical. This was Lila when she was hurt.
“I can do that. I’d fucking love to do that,” I admitted. My building site appeared ahead of me, and I slowed my pace.
“It’s not a reconciliation, Victor.” Still tired, but firm. Backing herself constantly.
God, I loved this woman.
“I know that,” I responded tersely, coming to a stop. “But I’d still love it.” My voice softened, as it always did for her.
“It doesn’t mean anything. It’s pure practicality.” Lila yawned.
The stab in my heart from her words felt fresh, despite it already being a bloody mess.
“I know.” God, I sounded like a robot. “When should I come back?” I couldn’t hide the hope in my voice. The thought of being back in that house, living and breathing the same air as the love of my life, made me want to weep. I rubbed my eyes, the heaviness of my tiredness barely subsiding.
“You sound exhausted,” Lila said suddenly, and my eyes flew open.
