I smacked her hand away.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I promise you that. Just don’t shut me out. That’s not cool.”
“I’m sorry. I honestly didn’t think of it.”
“Well, I know that. That’s why it sucks. I don’t expect you to add me to your will or anything. But at least think of me. Like I think of you.”
My nose burned. “Okay.” It came out more a squeak than a word.
“We’re friends now. More than that, remember? Sisters in battle.” She grabbed my hand. “What happened sucked. It did. But you got out. Ford got you, we were there. You got out.”
I didn’t though. Not really. A part of me was still curled on the floor of that VIP room. That room that I thought I wanted so badly. A room that might be the death of me, because how could I ever go back there? Not after feeling Ford’s touches and knowing how it felt to be cherished.
I settled on saying, “I should’ve never trusted Occum.”
“Oh, honey. You didn’t know.”
“He’s so awful. So much worse than I ever thought. None of the other guys were ever like that to me. You should have seen his face.”
“I’m glad I didn’t. I’m glad you’re okay.” She squeezed my hand again.
“Am I?”
“You are. You’re here and you’re whole.”
I held her gaze. “I don’t feel whole.” My free hand squeezed the fabric over my heart. “I feelahole.”
“I don’t think that has anything to do with Occum.”
I closed my eyes and it was such a relief I decided I’d keep them shut.
She hugged me. “You’ll be okay. You don’t have to live a half-life. This is our one chance at it. But it’s up to you. You have to change your life. You can’t rely on anybody else.”
“I don’t know where to start.”
She took a deep breath in. “To be perfectly honest, you should probably to talk to someone—a professional—about the trauma you’ve been through. Obviously, I’m here if you want to talk, but someone with better tools for coping wouldn’t hurt either. I only have so many bats, you know?”
“Thanks.” I huffed a sad laugh.
“And then define who you are and what you want to be. Don’t let anybody else do that. Own it.”
I thought about it. I’d never allowed myself to think about a whole world of possibilities. “I want to dance. I want to be free of the bikers and clubs. I don’t want to go back there. I don’t want to be under anybody’s else’s thumb.” Even saying the words out loud made me realize how deeply I wanted freedom. I was tired of that life. Tired of late-night shifts and coming home dead on my feet. I’d been tired of it for a while.
“We’ll work on that. I have an idea actually. But for now, we need to think of a way to get you out of there.”
“I’m so afraid they’ll come back for me. I don’t understand why they haven’t yet. Ford hurt Occum. He isn’t going to take it.”
“Something’s going on there… I’ve heard rumors. For now, keep living with me. You can’t go back to work at The Coffee Shop yet. Don’t worry about that. Lucas knows you’re still healing.”
“Okay.”
“We’ll figure this out together. You’re not alone.”
Emotion had me biting my lip. “Thank you.”
“You survived a lot of shit these last few months—rapists, asshole millionaires, sociopaths with knives—but you keep getting back up. Girl, you are full up on star-power. I’m here to tell you don’t let this be the thing that keeps you down. You have to keep getting back up. You keep your eye on the prize. Decide what you want and go get it. Don’t stop until you do.”
I nodded, feeling slightly rallied.
