“I’m glad I found you. Even if we are both Jet’s rejects.”
“Is that how you see it?” She tilted her head at me. “You’re missing the point then. For all his faults, Jethro did do one thing right. Jet brought a group of badass women together. He must’ve seen something in all of us. We all have a bit of awesome. Don’t you feel it? That’s the reason we found each other.”
“We are pretty cool…”
“People change, if they really want to. Jet changed and then he fell in love. Real Love. Capitol L. It’s transformative.”
“I didn’t think you believed in all that.”
“I don’t. Not for me. But I’ve seen it. Loving means putting someone else first. It means wanting them to be their best selves. Are you doing that for your loved ones?”
“I try.”
“Do you? What about yourself? You love yourself? You give yourself your best chances? Nobody else can change your life but you. Nobody. Even if Ford and your daddy always put you first, you’d still have to do the work. Support only goes so far.”
I ingested her words, let them stew.
“Think of all those assholes out there.” She squeezed my hand. “The ones that have been telling you who you are and who you aren’t. Don’t let them win. Don’t give me the stink eye—I’m serious. Don’t let anybody tell you who you get to be. You gotta dig deep and define that yourself.
“That’s what Ford kept telling me.”
“He wasn’t all bad. He had his moments. He did save you.”
“Twice,” I said.
She nodded. “Fair point. And he paid for all that stuff. And he calls to check on you like, three times a day.”
“What?”
She avoided my gaze. “Hmm?”
“He calls to check on me? What stuff did he pay for?”
“The whole time, he paid Occum your wages. He paid for your clothes. I guess he had been taking it out of his savings. According to Jack.”
“What? Why?”
She shrugged. “I guess, in his defense, he really did see you were special.” She frowned. “But it doesn’t matter. That’s what I’m tryin’ to say. It was nice that he did that, but nobody else is going to fix your life. Others can support you and make you feel loved, but you gotta make your own choices.”
I was still reeling from learning the truth about the money. It was a lot of money. And he was still checking in on me? Even after I sent him away?
I focused on the here and now. “I do try and change, and life keeps knocking me down.”
“So get back up. But you have to want to change. You’re holding on to things…like your daddy.”
My mouth opened.
“He’s not gonna stop drinking no matter what you do. It has to be his choice. Just like your life is your choice.”
I wasn’t ready to think about that. I knew I had to change. I didn’t know where to start.
“It all feels too big.”
“Start small. Little choices. Just for you. For example, if you wanted to shower…”
“Yeah, yeah.”
I smiled at her and she smiled back and damn if I didn’t feel my heart for the first time in days.
