“I’ve grown to care about her,” I said softly.
“Me too.”
“When I’m around her—my control hangs by a thread.” I shoved my chair back to stand and tried to pace behind my desk. It wasn't a big area, so it didn't take long to traverse the distance. My movements were like one of those little carpet cleaning robots stuck in a corner. “And when I saw those guys hurting her…” I closed my eyes and saw a rough hand shoved up her skirt and the look of absolute terror on her face. I couldn’t stop seeing it. “I can’t explain it. It’s like something broke. I was watching from a distance as my body was on autopilot. I could have murdered someone.”
“But you didn't. And Suzie would have been raped or killed. You saved her. Don't forget. Men like that, they aren’t trying it on. Their intentions were clear.”
“They held her down, Jack. Telling her to just go with it. Like she owed them something.” I stopped because emotion clogged my voice.
Jack’s nostrils flared and fists clenched. I saw my own look of helplessness reflected in his eyes. “You stopped them. She’s so strong.”
I pushed up my glasses to rub the bridge of my nose. “I haven’t snapped like that since I was a teenager. I’m not normal when I’m around her.”
Jack frowned. “What’s normal? You defended her. What other choice was there?”
Jack knew my past, to some extent. We met in juvie but I don’t think he ever understood how unstable I was.
“I don’t know what to do now. But I know I can’t keep this up. She can’t live with us, live this life, only to go back to that…mess. What do I do?” I asked him with pleading eyes.
“You have to talk to Suzie. She deserves a say in what happens now.”
I nodded because he was right. I was afraid to talk to Suzie. I was afraid of what truths might come out, but there was no other way to move forward.
At the moment there was another knock on the door.
Jack stood. “I’ll leave you to your self-abuse. Maybe go climbing today. The day is young. You don’t need to be here.”
“I have a lot of work.”
“If that work is avoiding Suzie, then I’m sure you do.” He went to the door to let in the visitor as he walked out.
Dean Lucero was dressed in her standard uniform of khaki pants and a brown paisley-print sweater, wearing a flat-mouthed frown.
“Mr. Jones, how goes the math world?”
“Calculated.” I’d heard Jack respond with the joke before. He flicked a last wave and went on with his day.
Dean Lucero clasped her hands low in front of her. “Mr. Rutledge, is this a good time?”
“Sure. Have a seat.”
“No need. I won’t be long.” She held her chin up, but her face was a mask. I couldn’t discern the nature of this visit. Dread transformed into a different level of anxiety entirely.
“Is everything okay?”
She pointed to my face. “You tell me.”
“An accident.”
“Right.” She hovered just behind the chair Jack had just been in and clasped the back. “I spoke with Ted Bouffant this morning. I hadn’t realized he was your donor.”
“You know him?”
“Of course. He's one of the biggest donors to the school. I had never spoken directly with him before. Typically, his donations go to the sports departments.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“I’m not sure what you did to convince him to donate to your cause, but the stipulations of his donation were clear. One hundred percent goes to your research, to be divvied up however you see best.”
