“It is sad. But it is not your fault.” His voice was firm.
I would tell somebody the same thing. But it was because of me. I was that final straw. I pushed and pushed. I thought I was so totally untouchable. I was not a good person.
“How am I ever supposed to trust myself?”
“You aren’t malicious. Plenty of people go after their dreams without hurting people.”
“It was my ambition that drove it. I was going to be big. No matter what.”
“It was more than that. I know what greed looks like. I know when somebody takes at any costs for themselves. That’s not you. If you’ve been feeling this way for so long, it may be hard to hear all this. But it wasn’t your fault. She wasn’t happy. She took her life. You’re a good person. Playing well and with purpose won’t change that. You think you will want to be eighty years old knowing you were given a second chance at life and you wasted it?”
I winced but knew he was right. I wasn’t living. Rehab had been my wake-up call, but I wasn’t out of the woods yet.
“I’m sorry you’ve been feeling this way for so long. I’m sorry your guilt has marred reality. You’re kind and good. Embracing your talent won’t hurt anybody and hiding it sure as hell won’t change the past. Come here.”
He hugged me tightly. I squeezed him back.
“Thank you,” I said. It was though somebody had stopped standing on my chest and I could take a full breath again.
“Thank you for sharing with me.” He held me for a long moment before speaking again. His voice rumbled in my ear. “When people hear you play it brings them joy. That’s the light you give.”
I looked up into his eyes. “I’ve never thought of it like that.”
“That’s the only mark we leave on this world.” He cupped my face. “The only lasting thing, is how we leave people feeling.”
“That’s a lovely way of looking at it.”
I’d been making myself small. I didn’t feel like I deserved a legacy.
“Thank you,” I said.
“I wish I could take the years of pain away.” His face was inches from mine. His eyes burned with such intensity that I had to break the hug, but I didn’t leave his arms completely. It was too much to be this close to him.
And then … then I thought about this position we were in. This physical position. How my body was trapped back against this wall. How his arm was around my waist. He held me to him like I was an instrument made of glass. Sturdy but delicately. I was trapped but not at risk of breaking.
I wanted to break. I wanted to shatter into a million pieces. I felt excitement and potential brimming right under the shell I’d been wearing.
His head was bowed and apologetic, like a mourning saint in a Renaissance painting. His face was so close to mine that if he just leaned lower he could graze my neck. He could rub his nose up the column and inhale deeply. And I would let him. God, how I wanted him to. I wanted his body pressed hard with the same pent up energy I was feeling. I wanted him shaking for me as I shook for him.
But I wouldn’t be out on this ledge alone. It was like holding on to a single branch with an abyss underneath me. I couldn’t let go unless I was absolutely sure he was there to catch me.
And then.
The tiniest shift in the air. A feminine awareness. I swallowed. Too afraid to lift my gaze to see what he was doing. But he watched me. Not watched—memorized me. I felt his gaze moving over my skin as though he dragged a feather against it. Goosebumps prickled down my chest.
“Kim.” My name was a pained whisper.
His was closer than ever. Heat permeated me. Please, just touch me. Kiss me. Do anything.
Chapter 28
I wish you could see yourself as I do.
DEVLIN
Kim had been suffering for so long. I knew that something had been holding her back. How could nobody else in her life see it? Why hadn’t anybody stepped in sooner? I wanted to put her back together.
Kim was loose and languid as she leaned back against the wall, barely held up by my arm wrapped around her waist. She didn’t blush or pull away. She waited. Almost patiently, as though she’d wait all night if needed. But the heat would consume us long before then. My want for her was a real presence between us. The closer I inched, the more it saturated into my skin.
