5
Anna
With one last heave, I managed to get the final limb, his leg, up to the sofa, all parts present and accounted for. Deliberately, I again avoided the one spot that aroused—heh heh—the most curiosity and tugged the quilt hanging over the back of the sofa to cover him before collapsing on my ass in front of the fireplace, sticking my hands out to warm them. I slid out of my Grinch pajama bottoms and tossed them to land with asplatsomewhere behind myself.
“Dumbass,” Alf chirped from his aviary in the corner. “Loser,” he added as Marv snorted from the doorway. That bird had been giving me attitude since I got here.
“Um, rude much, Alf? He’s unconscious. What’s he gonna do to us?” I muttered, putting on a brave face. Yet I still I clutched the shotgun close as I carefully stood back up.
“Come on, Marv, let’s get you back to the barn so I can commence with collapsing into an exhausted semi-drunken pile in front of the fire and keep an eye on our new friend.”
This had to rank in the top five worst nights of my life. I didn’t think things could get worse after my mother’s death and finding out I had grandparents I never got a chance to know. But here we were. Instead of leaving the city to finally experience some hard-earned peace on earth in the farmhouse I had just inherited, I moved in, started work, and was promptly pursued, then cheated on, by the jackass town doctor. I rifled around the mudroom’s dryer for more pajama pants before leading Marv outside. Sure, I had a houseguest, but if it was dark outside, my ass was in PJ’s, no exceptions.
Now here I was, leading a frickin’ escape artist llama back to my barn only so I could go back home and make sure my unwanted, naked, hot-as-hell New Year’s Eve guest didn’t murder me at midnight because the phones, power, and everything else electronic was no longer working. I couldn’t call for help, and the forecasted snowstorm was getting worse by the second. I was about to be snowed in with a stranger, and to top it all off, my favorite robe had been destroyed on my trek through the icy pasture. My goodwill toward men was never coming back after this.
After donning a warm jacket, I grabbed the flashlight from the table by the door and shoved it beneath my arm, firmed up my grip on the shotgun, then took hold of Marv’s halter. “You were helpful tonight. What got into you?” He merely snorted and looked off the side of the porch. “Well, thanks. Good boy, or whatever . . .” I muttered and led him down the gravel path toward the barn.
He trotted along at my side and stood patiently as I hauled the barn door open. How he managed to keep escaping was beyond me by this point. It was almost as if he had opposable thumbs to turn the handle or the ability to tell the other critters what to do. And why did they never follow him out? I shrugged to myself. I guess if I were one of Grandma Jean’s rescues I’d stay here too. They led a pretty sweet life on her farm. I removed his halter and shooed him into the barn.
A loud bark greeted me once I stepped through the doorway. “Hey, Audrey! Hey, girl.” I sank to my knees to get my fill of Golden Retriever snuggles, but instead of her usual love tackles she turned up her nose and darted out the door toward the house. “Uh sure, you can sleep in the house with me again—rude!” I shouted to her retreating form. “Anyone else got a problem tonight? I’ll be keeping an eye on you. No more escape stunts.” I swept a narrow-eyed glance through the oddball menagerie while pointing to my eyes and waving my hand around as if they could understand what I meant.
I had lost my damn mind. Or just soaked it in too much Schnapps.
As I reached the porch, I caught the sound of Audrey whining at the door. “Hush, girl. And don’t try to eat our guest when we get inside. But I guess I wouldn’t blame you. He does look pretty tasty . . .” I popped the door open and she was in like a shot, skidding to a stop once she reached the sofa. Her quizzical head tilt made me chuckle until I reached the living room and let out a full-blown laugh. Roger, Spock and Jeff Bridges were seated side by side across my unconscious guest’s wide chest, alternately staring at him, meowing, and booping his face with their noses. A bit of fear subsided, and I exhaled a huge sigh of relief. This trio of cats were eighty percent asshole and very judgmental. My point being they usually hated on sight; at best, they were just generally suspicious of everyone, including me at first. If animals could truly sense evil, then I just may be okay tonight. Not to mention, Audrey had become something like a protector ever since I had arrived. She followed me into the house every night to sleep by the fire. Her lack of concern eased my mind and I let out another shaky sigh of relief as I watched her move toward her bed near the fireplace.
“Get off him. Go on, find somewhere else to sleep you guys.” One by one they hopped off and I sat on the coffee table to study our guest. “How did you get here?” I whispered as I allowed myself to peruse the hot-guy buffet spread out on my grandmother’s sofa. From the gorgeous, straight line of his nose to the sharply defined sweep of his strong jaw, he was beautiful. That didn’t even take into account his fully kissable Cupid’s bow mouth. Involuntarily, my tongue darted out to wet my lips. I wanted to bite that juicy lower lip and I wanted to do it right now. Maybe it would wake him up? Like Sleeping Beauty. Or was it Snow White?
Pulled like a magnet, I felt drawn to him. Maybe he was my one true love and all I had to do was give him a kiss? My very own Disney prince to rescue . . . like my destiny or something.
Gender reversal fairytale retelling for the win!
What in the actual fuck is wrong with you, Anna?
I stood up with haste and almost fell over the coffee table in my rush to back away from him.Dammit!No more drinking tonight. Booze always made my heart squishy and sentimental.
And no more men. All they do is hurt, hurt, hurt.
“Take a chill pill,” Alf squawked from the aviary. Without thinking, I sat with a thud to stare at my guest’s still form in the dim light provided by the flickering fire. As his eyes popped open, the power turned back on and I gasped when I saw his pale, ice blue eyes staring at me as cold as the storm outside.
“I know you,” I breathed.
