I had been doing so well until she raised her lip in a curl that Elvis would’ve been proud of.
“You know, a lot of people use humor as a defense mechanism when they feel uncomfortable,” I said coolly.
Her face leveled instantly.
I pushed, “If you can’t do this, we can try something else …”
Her features sharpened. “No talking.”
I should have challenged her from the get-go. If ever I needed Skip to do something, I simply appealed to his ego. Classic.
The air changed then. Her focus narrowed and her body stopped moving. We were having an entire conversation through our eye contact.
I told you, I could do this,she seemed to say.
I never doubted you for a second,I replied in my head.I think you’re wonderful.
You shouldn’t say that sort of thing.
There’s nothing you can do about what I think.
Then the imagined conversation stopped and we simply existed in this moment. Her eyes had much more depth in this full light. Her pupils were so small that her full iris was visible. The darker brown was ringed with a lighter brown. The varying shades were textured like the glass marbles I played with as a kid.
A gentle breeze moved her hair. It carried the scent of pine and her to me. It was such a peaceful sense. This was two people seeing each other without masks or filters. This was pure. This was what screens, filters, and social media took away. This was human connection at a base level. I’d never done this with anybody before. I had made other people do it, of course, and saw its success, but living it with Roxy was like nothing I’d ever felt.
The stillness left no room to hide. I couldn’t run or escape. Intrusive thoughts came poking at the edges of my mind. I tried to remain focused on Roxy, let her keep me from succumbing to them, but all of my feelings were on the brink of overflowing. The storm clouds of my mind blocked the sun and a chill ran over me. And for once I didn’t feel happy at all. I felt a deep sadness overtake me. Any minute the clouds would break open and drown me. It would pull me under so fast there would be no hope of catching my breath. This was exactly why I always kept moving. The second I stopped …
“Sanders,” Roxy said.
I blinked into the present. Brought my mind to the here and now. Roxy saved me a moment before it would have been too late.
“I think it’s been thirty seconds,” she said.
I glanced down at my watch. Three minutes had passed. “I forgot to set the alarm.” My voice came out hoarse.
“Did I make it?” she asked hopefully.
“Of course.” I forced a smile on my face.
“I knew I could do it,” she said.
“I never doubted you for a second,” I whispered.
Chapter 14
Roxy
There were few things I loved more than blowing expectations out of the water. So when Sanders didn’t think I could play his little staring game, I was set to prove him wrong. Of course, it was real weird at first. I’d been so worried that he’d be able to see the truth of me: my dark past and my growing feelings for him. I couldn’t look directly at him at the best of times because I couldn’t do it in glimpses. When I looked at him, I wanted to do it for hours.
At first, I couldn’t sit still. I felt like I might crawl out of my skin. It made no sense. It was just eye contact and yet it felt like I was being forced to tell him my darkest secrets. But once I decided to just do it, I let go of the internal monologue. I simply focused on the way the cold stone felt damp through my hiking pants—incidentally, way more comfortable than my suit pants. The wind tickling my bangs across my forehead. My breath, moving in and out of my body in sync with my heartbeat.
I focused on Sanders. The bright, unclouded sky should blush in shame compared to the blue of his eyes. His face and mouth were relaxed so just the corner of one front tooth was visible. It was hard not to imagine leaning forward to close the distance between us and pressing a soft kiss on those lips. I couldn’t forget the taste of him and I thought for sure all those thoughts were playing like a movie in my eyes. But then, something about seeing him so serious in the task pushed me to take it seriously.
Time stretched and I forgot all about being self-conscious. I wasn’t sure what it proved but it definitely meant something.
I stood up and stretched, feeling more than a little pleased with myself. “What’s next? Since I obviously nailed that.”
He was slower to stand up. “You did great, Roxxo.” His smile was in place but it seemed sad almost, which was an emotion foreign on his face.
