“What?” She glared at me.
“Tonight. This freak-out. What was it about? This drinking to oblivion. The attitude?”
“You can’t talk to me like this. We don’t know each other well enough.”
“Lie,” I said staring into her dark eyes. “And you know it. You see me more clearly than anybody ever has.”
She swallowed and her gaze moved around the car. It was dark outside but she was illuminated by the streetlights around her apartment building.
“I have been trying to let you in.” Her accent grew stronger. “I just hadn’t expected everybody I know to be there. I didn’t expect you to invite half of Green Valley to our date.”
“I didn’t know it was a date.”
“Lie,” she spat back at me.
I turned fully toward her, letting out a sigh. Secretly happy on some level to be called out. To hear her talking to me like she does when it’s just us, without any masks. “I didn’t know everybody else would show up. But I am sorry. You’re right. I was worried it was a date.”
She crossed her arms and looked out the window. “Worried,” she mumbled.
“Not because I didn’t want to go out with you. God, Roxy, you know how badly I … that’s exactly why I was worried. I didn’t know what to do. I can’t seem to control myself around you.” I poked her shoulder gently, to get her to look at me. “I didn’t want to be alone with you and have you regret it.”
Her shoulders sagged with a deep exhale. “I don’t want either of us to regret our time together. You want to get to know me so bad, then here you go. This is where I’m from.” She gestured to the apartments and back toward the bar. “Those are my people. Is that what you want to know? That I was a biker chick for a motorcycle club … If you met me back then, you wouldn’t even look at me like that …”
“Like what?” I leaned closer.
“Like I was something special,” she repeated back my same phrase.
“You’re wonderful, Roxxo. All I ever want is for you to be yourself around me.”
She fisted her hands, rubbing them along her arms. “That’s the thing though, isn’t it? I don’t know who I am. I’m not Biker Roxy anymore. I’m clearly not pulling off this corporate shit. I don’t know where I fit. Everybody seems to know themselves so well. Tonight, it was like all my worlds came clashing together. I shut down. I was embarrassed. I don’t know who the hell I’m supposed to be.” Her words shook with emotion as she finished.
She let out a long slow breath, her brows twisted with confusion. “I don’t think I knew I felt this way until just now,” she said with a huff.
“Who were you the night in Denver?” I asked.
Her gaze shot to me.
“Were you pretending that night?” I swallowed, afraid of the answer.
That night had meant so much to me. I had felt a connection to her on a level I never had experienced with anybody else. If she was faking it … I didn’t know if I could handle it.
“That night I wasn’t pretending to be anybody.” I looked up at her words. “I think that’s what scared me so bad.”
I couldn’t speak for the emotion that tightened my throat. I wanted to pull her into my lap and kiss her into oblivion. I wanted to tell her she fixed me that night. She took one of the worst days of my life and put me back together without even trying. How could I possibly even convey the depth of my feelings for her? I didn’t want to scare her. She already ran away at every turn.
I grabbed her hands. She looked down at them, her chest rising and falling.
“I don’t want you to be scared of whatever this is,” I said. “I don’t want you running away. I want you leaping toward me. There’s no rush for me.” I ran my thumbs along the soft skin of the back of her hands. “I don’t want you to regret a moment with me. Life can be too heavy to handle sometimes. Let people share the load, Roxy. If you can’t leave it behind, then let people help.”
“Thank you. I’m working on that,” she said with a grin.
I said, “There’s seven billion people on this planet. You aren’t alone.”
“Neither are you, Colonel.” Her bottom lip pulled into her mouth as she worried it. “If you want to talk about your dad …”
It was tempting to tell her everything but I just couldn’t talk to her after a night like tonight. After she’d been drinking. I suddenly felt so tired. “Thank you.” I squeezed her hand. “It’s getting late. Let me walk you up.”
Her mouth parted and then she said, “Sure.”
