“There you are. I went and made some tea and came back,” Sanders said a few feet below me.
“Aren’t you hilarious,” I said.
But I wasn’t paying attention. I’d let myself get comfortable in the rhythm of the work and realized I grabbed the green clip first.
“Shit,” I said, my brain short-circuiting.
“Okay, Roxxo?” he asked.
I clung to the rung. This was ridiculous. I could literally fall from here and I would be fine. Worse case it’d knock the wind out of me but it was as though my fear was on a delay and I physically couldn’t move. I looped my arms through the rung and closed my eyes.
“I’m fine. I live here now,” I called. I was humiliated. I tried so hard to keep my shit together around Sanders but he just had a knack for opening all the darkest rooms in my mind, rummaging through my stuff with a giant flashlight.
“You’re super close. You don’t need to worry about the clips. Just come on down. I’ll catch you.”
“Yep. Okay.” I didn’t move.
“New plan,” he called up. “I’m gonna come and unclip you and then we’ll climb the rest together.”
“Honestly, I’m fine,” I said.
“Sure you are. But I need to get this equipment returned, so can you help me out?”
“You should have brought your own.”
“Weirdly, they weren’t okay with that.”
“Okay. I’ll allow you to help me to help you,” I said in a squeaky voice.
He chuckled. “Thanks.”
The rungs weren’t made for two people at a time. He had to balance a step higher and below me so that he was sort of bear hugging me from behind. My back was pressed tightly to his front. His warmth wrapped around me like a sun-dried towel after a dip in the pool.
“Just gonna do this one first.” He unclipped me fast and confidently.
Everything about him was so assured. He moved through life as though he’d reviewed every step ahead of time and was just retracing a familiar path. I envied that poise but I knew the truth now. He was just as afraid as I was. But he didn’t let that stop him. He leapt even when he was scared.
“Now, you’re just gonna climb down. Just like a step ladder at work,” he said.
My head shook even as I said, “Okay.”
He laughed a little and it shuddered through my body.
“We’re very close to the bottom. You could hop down from here. I promise.”
“I know. This is humiliating.”
“No. Totally normal. Post-adrenaline crash. Happens all the time.”
“You just made that up.”
“I’m sure it’s a thing. But, Roxy.” He lowered his head to whisper in my ear. Goose bumps trailed down my neck. “Are you ticklish?”
“Don’t you dare!” I said.
I pushed back and threw him off me. He hopped off and landed on his feet with a chuckle.
“Trust fall!” I yelled.
