“Gretch.” I looked at her.
“I was right though, wasn’t I? You and Sanders clearly had a connection.”
I sighed. “You’re missing the point.”
She straightened her spine and then relaxed. “Do you really think I’m so nosey because I don’t want to deal with my own shit?”
“Sometimes,” I said honestly. “But I know you’re also one of the most caring, fiercest, loyal, and loving women there is. I’m honored to be a person that you give all that to. You’d do anything for the people you care about.”
She didn’t say anything but her chin wobbled.
“The crazy part is, I’d been doing all this for you,” I said.
“What do you mean?” she frowned.
“I’ve worked so hard to show you that I was worth saving.”
“Worth saving? What’re you talking about?”
I gave her a look. It was the night we never talked about.
Realization set in and her mouth fell open before she said, “Yousaved my life that night at the Dragon Bar. I was set on murder.” She sounded genuinely baffled. “Yougot me out of there.” Her words were high and tight.
“You gotmeout,” I said, shaking my head, disbelieving her point of view on that night.
“We saved each other,” she said with a firm nod.
She was right. I’d spent so long feeling like a burden but the saving went both ways. The truth settled in and made me feel warm and valued. I let out a breath and nodded in return. “You’re right. We did.”
“But listen, that doesn’t mean that you have to be somebody you aren’t. It doesn’t mean that you constantly have to prove yourself worthy of love. You exist and therefore are worthy of being loved.”
“Sanders said something along those lines.” My heart squeezed in my chest thinking of him. Two of the most important people in my life felt the same way when I couldn’t see it myself. That’s what loved ones do; they love you when you can’t love yourself.
Gretchen’s gaze drifted; she was putting pieces together. “I thought you and him could just hook up and have fun. I didn’t know how deep your feelings went. You didn’t tell me.”
“He got under my skin that first night in Denver. I was shook up.”
“It’s not a bad thing to meet someone like that.”
“And then what? He’d be here and I’d be consumed by him. I’d lose myself to him. I’d lose you.”
She smacked me upside my head. “Ow,” I winced.
“No you wouldn’t, you doofus. You think I’d let that happen?” She shook her head like I’d just insulted her outfit. “Real Love is complicated. You don’t get lost in someone, you help each other find who they’re meant to be.”
I studied Gretch’s retro Formica table. Sanders and I had done that. We’d known how to push each other.
“I just didn’t want you to think I didn’t appreciate what you did for me. Getting me the job at the Lodge and—”
“Hold up.Ididn’t get you that job.”
I rolled my eyes. “Well, I mean, I know I interviewed and stuff but I wouldn’t have even gotten that if you didn’t somehow get me that recommendation.”
She shook her head, placing a hand on my shoulder to look at her. “No. Listen. I didn’t get you the interview at the Lodge. Diane Donner and I weren’t friends. Why would she listen to me?”
“You didn’t get Bethany Winston to email her?”
Now she looked at me like I set fire to her whole wardrobe. “No.”
