“Hiya.” I crouch down to smile at the vibrant orange fish. The fish flips herself around and fans out her fins. “Aren’t you a pretty lady?”
“Show off,” Julia grumbles. Louder she says, “Technically, she’s a he. Betta dudes have the plumage. They have to do the attracting, like in most species. Which is a whole conversation for another time.”
“He’s gorgeous,” I say to the tank.
“Yeah, but don’t let him hear you. It’ll only go to his head.”
“Ginger? Because of his color.”
“Like Ginger Rogers. When he dances around it always reminds me of swishing dance skirts.”
I watch Ginger twirl and dance around the bowl. Next to me, Julia is studying him too. Her eyes are a bit more soulful as we watch the fish dance. Ginger really does seem to notice we’re watching him and hams it up.
“Do you miss performing?” I ask. Julia. Not the fish.
She sighs and smiles sadly at me. “I did like dancing for an audience. But it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to do that. Mostly I miss my grandma and grandpa. I miss not having to be so aware of myself all the time. I miss just existing.” Her eyes are hazy with memory.
A deep connection of understanding passes through me. I can’t remember the last time I said anything at work without thinking of how the team would react to it. Or when I worked normal hours, had hobbies, and felt balanced. The last time I felt like a good brother, if ever. I’m so tired, too. Sadness threatens me, so I say, “I don’t have any pets. Maybe when Lincoln moves in with me, we can get a dog.”
I say it out loud, though I didn’t mean to. Something about her company makes me want to share my dreams, both big and small. I want to know all hers, too. I want to know everything about her.
“He doesn’t live with you now?” She straightens to ask.
“I’m hoping to get custody soon,” I mumble. “It’s complicated.”
Maybe sensing that I’m not ready to talk about it she just says, “You guys should definitely get a dog.” She’s close enough to smell the mint from her toothpaste.
We hold each other’s gaze. I take a step forward. Her eyelashes drop as she watches my feet step closer.
“You, ah, mentioned a theory? Some thoughts you had?” She wets her full bottom lip.
“Yeah.” I take deep breath but don’t step back. “You mentioned you thought that dancing triggered you, right? Something about the exertion.”
She nods, her gaze moves around my face. “Any time I’m really worked up.” Her voice is a whisper.
“But I was thinking about other times you went off.” I take a small step forward.
She steps back.
“A performance,” I say.
She nods once but doesn’t take her gaze off me.
“At the meeting.” I move closer.
She swallows but doesn’t step back.
“Times you were intimate with a partner.”
Color rushes to her cheeks and I long to press my fingertips there to feel the heat. “Mm-hmm.”
I do have a theory. And as I know from years of work in the scientific field, the best way to learn is to test it.
* * *
Julia
There isn’t enough space between us to do a shuffle step. I may not have a ton of experience with men but every womanly instinct screams that Nathaniel is about to kiss me. It makes my skin tingle. I want him so bad. I’m at war with myself.
