His hands shoot up and he steps back. “No. I didn’t mean it like that. I just mean— You’re glowing. You’re getting brighter as you get more upset. That’s just like we thought. What were you thinking about? What changed?”
To my horror, I’m a beacon. My hands shake as I see the white light pulsing out of them. Iamupset. I hurt him and it’s getting worse. I scoot away from Ginger. From the both of them and toward my bedroom.
“Please. I’m sorry. Just go.”
“Julia, wait. Take a deep breath. This is good remember? We wanted this to happen.”
Despite looking a little pale, he’s smiling. Understanding hits me. This was actually an experiment. In my pathetic naivety I thought that he had wanted to kiss me.
“You did this on purpose.” My hand drifts to my lips. “I told you I could hurt you. And you pushed me.”
The floor feels like it tilts and I hold on to the wall.
“Wait, don’t misunderstand. That was no chore.” He presses his fingers between his forehead. “I’ve been dying to kiss you.”
Dying. I’m too worked up to think clearly. I can’t have him here. He’s at too much risk.
“Please justleave,” I say it with such vehemence there’s no further discussion.
He heads to the door and I’m in the corner of my short hallway, barely holding it together. I dig my nails into my palms and fight for each breath, swallowing the light back down until I don’t cast shadows. The pain from pulling the light back inside me hurts like never before.
Just before he’s out the door, he looks back with an earnest and apologetic expression. “I am sorry,” he says.
I stumble back to my room.
Does he think I’m amazing or does he think the things I can do are amazing? That’s an important distinction. And now I’m not so sure.
