She looks at me with pinched features. “Right.” She rolls her eyes.
I must have flinched because she sits up to lean closer to me. “Tell me that is not actually how you see yourself.”
“No. I know …” What do I know about myself? I can figure out complex things. But it never feels likeI’mthe one figuring it out. It’s team collab. The facts and data are there; I’m not making magic out of nothing. I’m just pointing out what’s already there. I’m nothing special.
“You’re incredible,” she says. “You’re the smartest person I’ve ever met. I’ve seen you solve complicated problems in seconds, unraveling Gordians knot like it’s a roll of tape. You see truths nobody else can see and expertly handle every single type of personality. Everyone around you feels valued. You’re charming and hilarious. And your eyes, I mean come on—”
My fingers are fisted at my side and I force them to relax as she speaks. She seems to realize how uncomfortable her words are making me because she finishes simply with, “You’re a catch.”
I clear my throat. “Thanks.” I ball up a paper napkin, rubbing it between my palms. “So anyway.”
If she thinks that, why has she kept her distance? Why hasn’t she tried to kiss me again?
Her hand is on my knee, stilling me. She lowers her head to catch my gaze. “You are incredible,” she says. “Tell me you understand that.”
Suddenly, I can’t seem to catch my breath. It shouldn’t be this hard to hear a compliment. It shouldn’t make me want to rage or …God, cry.
I hold her gaze and keep my emotions intact as much as I can. “Thank you.” My voice is rough.
It occurs to me that she has the same issue. She won’t accept the fact that she is literally the most incredible person I’ve met. I wish you could just tell people in the moment how amazing they are, how you feel about them with no risk of hurt or rejection. Not for yourself, but only for them.
But isn’t that what she just did? She lives so fearlessly. Always putting others first. She does it with the team even to the detriment of her health. And she never gives up. She never stops believing that she’s capable of more.
She’s straightening the empty take-out boxes.
“Julia,” I say.
She stills and looks at me over her shoulder, waves of dark hair falling forward. She wears it down a lot more these days. I like watching the curls bounce off her shoulders as she talks animatedly or dances. Even though she doesn’t need to dance to invoke the powers now, she still likes to do it because it makes her think of her family. The first time Lincoln saw her dance at my house, he stared at me and shook his head like,What are you even waiting for?
Now, I think about his question. WhatamI waiting for?
I clear my throat. She shuffles over on her knees when I can’t seem to speak. She kneels in front of me, our gazes locked. Her full, soft lips are slightly parted in expectation.
I reach for her hand. She looks at it hesitantly before placing hers in mine. I stand up, bringing her with me. I tuck a curl behind her ear so I can rub my thumb over her cheek. She closes her eyes and leans into the gesture.
When she opens them again, I speak. “You astound me. Every day.”
A blush spreads over her cheeks and I rub a thumb over her parted lips. Her whole body shivers.
“You’re one of the most talented, intelligent people I’ve met. Your beauty on the outside is only outmatched by the person on the inside. You make me laugh. So much.” I smile as she does. “And I think your abilities are beautiful. I think everything about you is incredible.”
“Oh. Okay.” She shudders another breath in. “Thank you.”
“I just thought you should know.”
“Okay.” She licks her lips.
It feels amazing to tell her. I want to tell her everything. I move to close the distance between us.
She is a breath away when she sighs and pulls back.
“It’s too risky. I-I want to, but I can’t.” Her voice is tight with frustration. “Not until I can be sure I won’t hurt you.”
I smile, making sure all my feelings are clear in my gaze. “There’s no rush.”
