He glanced up to me and smiled. “Okay. Out with it. You look ready to burst. Someone in your shows get married or something?”
I fought a flash of hurt but smiled. I was so deep in the fan fiction world that I sometimes forgot that not everybody took the characters as seriously as I did. “I’ve been invited to LA.”
The beer stilled in front of his mouth.
“The producers ofTerraFormativeare filming a twentieth anniversary special. They invited me.” It came out on a rush of words. I took a steadying breath and perched on the arm of the couch next to his chair. “They’ve asked me to be part of a segment about people whose lives have been impacted by the show. They’re going to film me. I’m going to be on actual TV! They’re paying for the flight and hotel and everything.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Wow. That’s a big deal.”
I leaned forward excitedly. “I know. What if I meet the cast and people who worked on the show?” I pressed my fingers to my cheeks. “I can’t even think about that. I’ll probably make such a fool out of myself. I can talk about my writing. Oh my god!” I gasped. “What if a literary agent sees it and wants to represent me?”
My deepest fantasies were pouring out without thought, and it was the wrong thing to say. I saw the moment Pete’s face went from tentative excitement and disbelief to full-on pity. Becoming an author was a silly pipe dream. But I’d completed my first full-length novel outside the fan fiction world and wasn’t sure what to do next. This invitation felt like kismet.
I couldn’t help it, the words tumbled out excitedly as I tried to clarify. “Many writers of fanfic end up getting publishing deals. What if I get a book deal out of this? I mean, I have so many subscribers—”
“Whoa, whoa.” He held up his hand and reached for mine. He squeezed it softly. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”
“No. I know.” I stared down at our hands. “I’m just saying. It would be cool, right?”
His brows furrowed before he tilted his head in thought. “When’s the special?”
“Not until June. Months away.”
“Okay. We’ll need to plan some things,” he said seriously.
“Of course.” Pete was a planner.
“We can’t just drop everything, you know. What about work? And you know my mom needs help.”
My heart stuttered. The invite had been for me. Not for me and a plus one. Anxiety burned down the back of my neck and coiled into my gut. I hadn’t even thought about him going with me.
“Oh, you don’t have to go,” I said lightly.
It was the worst thing to say.
“You don’t want me to go? Embarrassed of me?” he asked lightly, but his eyes pierced me as his head tilted.
“Of course, I want you to.” My heart raced. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. But when I had daydreamed about the trip, I imagined flying alone and getting the aisle seat. Wearing what I wanted to wear in the LA sun, even if it was a crop top. Eating where I wanted to eat and when without worrying about upsetting him and his routine. He’d just gotten so particular about things lately. I was looking forward to the space. “It’s just a silly thing for my writing. I don’t want to impact your schedule.”
He sighed and squeezed me tighter. “If it’s important to you, I want to be there with you.”
I smiled back. Technically, it was the nice boyfriend thing to say, but my mind was reeling. I could save up the next few months. It was only March. I had enough in savings that I could buy him a flight. Hopefully. He wouldn’t need to know. A niggling feeling whispered that if I told him he wasn’t invited, then he wouldn’t want me to go. I swallowed carefully. Pete wasn’t one for surprises. I should have tampered down my excitement a little before I told him. He didn’t like to be blindsided.
Thankfully oblivious to my internal panic, he said, “You’d think they’d be weird about it, since you basically took the author’s writing and said ‘nah, I can do better.’”
I blinked. “No. My stories are more like a continuation. It’s still his world and characters.”
“Obviously, I know that. But do you think that Sedar will be there? How would that introduction go? ‘Hi, I took your beloved characters and make them have freaky sex.’” Pete laughed, and his focus moved to the TV behind me.
My stories were about so much more than sex. But maybe he was right? That was how so many people saw fan fiction.No. Those stories meant something real to thousands of people. I’d received so many comments and letters over the years. RC understood the power of the TF world …
“I’ve helped people. You know that,” I said.
“Of course, I do. I think it’s amazing. I’m just saying from their point of view, it seems odd.”
A crush of sadness and anxiety dampened my excitement until it almost extinguished. Ever since I was little, I’d gotten too excited about things only to hear from my mother how everything would probably go wrong.I don’t want you to be disappointed. The real world doesn’t care.
I shut my emotions down. I made my face blank. Pretended I didn’t care. “If you don’t want me to go, I can decline the invite.” Even as I said it, my insides rebelled. I wanted to go. I had been excited about it, hadn’t I? But maybe he was right? It would be a lot of preparation and planning. Even though they were paying for most of it, there would be additional costs, and I’d have to take off work. Maybe it was a silly idea.
