FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: GO.
Kate,
Your stories are so much more than that. I will not let you talk poorly about your writing. Get your arse on that plane. One step at a time. You’re doing this. It’s going to be fantastic becauseyouare fantastic. I don’t want to hear another word about it. Don’t make me come down there and drag you to the studio.
Do as I say, not as I do,
RC
* * *
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: fine.
RC,
Threatening to come down here is not as scary as you think it is. I wish you were here. I don’t know if I’m allowed to say that, but you make me braver. Thank you for helping me do this.
On the plane, about to take off.
Kate
* * *
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Me too.
Kate,
You don’t need me to be brave. You’re braver than I will ever be, trust me.
RC
(I wish I was there too.)
15
Kate
The flightto LA had been smooth, but it was like Pete and I had totally different travel experiences. I interacted with friendly staff and smiled at grinning toddlers. Pete forgot his neck pillow. The air was too stuffy. A child made a sound.
I was already so anxious about the event I didn’t have the bandwidth to try and appease him. It was best just to nod and go along with him. If I tried to point out anything positive, it only upset him more.
Lately, it felt like his words were at odds with his body language. He told me he was fine but then sighed loudly when I checked my phone. I asked to leave for the airport three hours before boarding and he went along with it but then made comments about how long we had to wait at the gate. It made me feel unbalanced.
I checked my email the second the plane touched ground. It took everything not to react to the message I had waiting.
RC said he wished he was here with me. He said that. That was the most he’d ever admitted about wanting to meet me.
Then I went into the bathroom to read it again where Pete couldn’t look over my shoulder and I could smile freely. It felt shady to me too. But Pete was just so … He’d already been in a mood all day. Maybe it was a guilty conscious that kept me from sharing any more about RC, but I no longer brought him up around Pete. Ever since I saw that picture of RC I hadn’t been able to stop myself from wondering if …
