On top of the blankets.
Fully dressed.
She had the duvet pulled up just under her chin, lying on her side, making her glasses angle in a way that couldn’t be comfortable. I mirrored her pose, our heads resting on pillows, hands curled loosely in front of us as we faced each other. There were several inches between us, room for a whole other person, but the intimacy was overwhelming.
We didn’t speak for several minutes. Wheels were turning behind her tired eyes, but there was a strange comfort to the silence. This whole situation felt surreal. I continued to watch her as her gaze moved over my features, as though she was memorizing them. I had dreamed many scenarios of us together since we started talking, but this was a greater gift than I ever thought I’d get.
It was certainly more than I deserved.
She blinked slowly and yawned, hiding her face into the pillow as she did. When she turned back to me, there was a gentle smile on her lips. I smiled back, unable to help myself.
“I think I’m dreaming,” she said, her voice whisper soft. “I’m going to wake up and I’ll be back at work and none of this was real.”
My smile dissolved. “This is real.”Us. We were real. Kate and I were the only thing that felt solid to me. I wished I could say it.
“I’m so afraid that this will be one of my more elaborate daydreams. Maybe it would be better that way. To experience all this only to go back to real life …” She sighed. “I don’t know how I’m going to manage it.”
I felt the same way. I had thought I might be lucky enough to just look at her, but now that I’d spent the whole day with her, there was no going back. It was such an undeserved and unexpected gift. At any moment, our time together could come to an abrupt end, and I wouldn’t be able to handle it. Would I ever be able to breathe on my own again after breathing her air?
But she wasn’t talking about us or me. And I had to get back to the safety of my home. Away from blowhards and suck-ups. Kate and I were real, but life here wasn’t.
“The truth is,” I said. “This whole world isn’t what people think it’s made out to be anyway.”
“What world?”
“Hollywood. LA. Fame and celebrity. It has its perks and I’m grateful for everything I’ve been given. But once the shine wears off …” I shrugged.
Her gaze moved to my mouth, and I licked my lips.
“Was it hard for you to come back to LA? I thought I had read something about you not wanting to do any more appearances,” she asked, looking a little sheepish to admit to reading about me online.
“I hadn’t planned on coming. I really want to be done withTerraFormative.” I looked up and held her gaze. “I’m very glad that I did.”
“You didn’t like it? Being on the show?” She swallowed and tucked herself deeper into the blankets.
She was so open. So lovely and sincere. I would be brave with her. Plus, I wanted her to know me. I had to take steps.
“Just the opposite,” I said. My voice was low and rough. “It was my entire life. I haven’t adjusted well. Since the show ended. It’s rather embarrassing actually. After all these years, it’s hard for me to be back here. It makes me a cranky bastard.”
She smiled with the shake of her head. “You remind me so much of my friend.”
My heart beat so strong my body vibrated the bed. It would give everything away.
Just tell her. Tell her now.
Her little brow furrowed. “Do you have anybody to talk to?”
“I, uh, like a therapist? Yeah.”
“Good.” She untucked herself to poke my shoulder. “But I meant like a friend. Somebody you’re close to?”
I grabbed her finger and held it a moment too long. Her gaze flicked between mine. We were so close. So close. Lying on a bed. How the hell did I get here? What was wrong with me? I released her hand, and she tucked her arm back under the duvet.
“I have Harrison and Emma. We’ve remained close over the years,” I said.
“That’s good. Do they struggle too?” she asked.
“I don’t get to talk to them as much as I’d like.” It was so hard to admit this. Talking like this with Kate only reminded me that I was so lonely. “We only talk once a month. They’re pretty busy.”
