“Being too beautiful?” I asked.
“Yes. Yes. That’s what keeps me up at night,” she said dryly.
“Seriously,” I nudged her.
She grabbed my hand and looked at our intertwined fingers. She lifted one and put it down, then the next, one at a time, only to start over again. Taking her time to say what she needed.
“My mom left me when I was fifteen,” she started. “It was never exactly stable before that. But when she drove away that last time, there was such determination in her eyes. I knew I would never see her again. Joey still tried. Even though she was older, maybe because she had more time with her, she always had hope. Tried to find her for years but my mother was done with us. She told us she didn’t want to be a mom. That what happened to her wasn’t her fault but it would be better if she left us.”
I let out a long breath. Her breakdown after Joey left became even more clear. There was no doubt that she had feared Collette was living a shadow of her same life. This made it all lock into place.
“I’m so sorry,” I said.
“For the longest time, I kept waiting for something. I don’t know. Not her. I knew she was gone. I was waiting for a grown-up to come and tell me everything would be okay. I had hoped forever that someone would come and scoop me up and tell me that they would take care of everything. I gave up by the time George and William took me in. I understood the truth.”
“The truth?”
“We are alone. We are totally alone.”
“That’s what you think?” I asked, in surprise. How could she think that when she had George. She hadme.
“It’s how I feel. Felt,” she added, and I held my breath. “I don’t know. I’m so afraid to hope. I just want to make sure Collette has everything I never did. I want her to have the perfect family that will be there every day and buy her new backpacks and school supplies, ground her for talking back, and take her on family trips and just all that stuff. She deserves normalcy and love and consistency.”
“I know, it’s not the same.” I sat up and she did too. We faced each other, naked but not distracted. “It doesn’t take the pain away. But you are that grown-up for Collette. You and George. You are here out of selfless love and not obligation. You see that, right?”
Her mouth parted and her eyes glistened. “I never thought about it that way. I feel like I’ve just been this holding pattern.”
“She could have been another child lost but you were that adult that came and told her she was loved and special and taken care of,” I said.
She pressed a hand to her chest. She opened her mouth to speak but ended up sucking in her lips and looking to the side, nodding, tears welling in her eyes.
“There are good people in the world. There is good to balance out the horrors,” I said. “We exist to take care of each other. We aren’t designed to be alone. Some people are just hurt and scared. Like you were, but you chose to reach out with love and make a different future for Collette.” I swallowed as my words sunk into her. It was as though a weight was lifting from her, and I could almost see something changing in her body.
“You too,” she said.
“Me too, what?”
“You choose hope and love every time.”
“I’ve had a charmed life. It’s easier for me,” I said.
“I don’t think it’s ever easy to choose to have hope in this world,” she said.
We fell asleep holding each other. Nothing had changed, we still had no answers, but Frankie had shared a deep part of herself. I knew her better than ever. I drifted asleep feeling hopeful.
“Why are you naked?” I blinked my eyes open to see Collette standing above me, rubbing her eyes. “Why are you in Frankie’s room?”
Next to me, Frankie woke up and looked at me and then Collette. She didn’t speak. Her eyes went wide.
George shuffled in a moment later. “Come on, Collette. I’ll teach you how to make pancakes. And about young people wasting time.”
I glanced over to Frankie, she grabbed a pillow and covered her face, falling back. This would undo all the distance we covered last night. Surely, this would cause her to—
“Wait, are you laughing?” I tugged the pillow off her face.
She nodded between laughs. “I have no idea what I’m going to tell her.”
My chest swelled with pure joy. She was beaming. She was lit from within.
