“I’ll cherish it,” I said, nuzzling it with my nose, noting it smelled like his cologne. I set it on the bedside table just as the light clicked off.
Before my eyes could adjust to the dark, I heard shuffling, then yelped a moment later when he found me under the covers and pinched my backside.
“Hey,” I said. Then said it again more breathily when he rubbed the area, slowly pulling me flush against him.
We wordlessly divested each other of our clothes, mouths and hands roaming. Hot breaths. Quiet moans. Safe, together, in love.
We took our time and moved in sync, eyes locked even in the low light. I came luxuriously, tenderly gripping his back, heart to heart. He followed a moment later.
After, we lay in silence as I listened to the sound of his steady breathing. It was such a cliché, but a comfort I never knew I needed.
He spoke, startling me a little.
“I love acting. It’s something I’ve done my whole life and feel so grateful for getting to do. But even when I won awards for my acting or my best days on set, there was a little voice that would always ask ‘Is this what it’s all about then?’ And something deep in me would answer, ‘not yet.’”
I made a soft hum of acknowledgment, and he went on.
“This was never the family I imagined but it’s more than I ever thought it could be. You and Collette mean everything to me. I thought it would be better for her to be raised by her family. That they would love her more. But there is no way anybody could love her more than I do. No person would lay down their life. If she asked me to give up acting, I would. My heart is so full. I am complete When we make her laugh or talk to her about her day. I feel connected. Collette and you, it’s like everything slid into place. That little voice is quiet now.”
I held him tight and nodded my head against his chest.
“What Joey said, about feeling like something was broken in her,” I started. “I felt that way. I worry that some days, when you are gone, and Collette is older, and George is … Well, sometimes I worry that those feelings will return. I worry that I will lose sight of everything and feel that darkness. That I’m broken in some way. That I will do something to push you away and ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” I confessed to the night and to him.
He kissed my temple. “Lucky for you, I’m too stupid to take a hint.”
“We don’t talk like that in this house.” I pinched his side.
“No, I know love. I’m just telling you that I won’t give up. I’ll follow you, no matter how dark those days get. I will be here. Just be here.” He sighed, then added. “And sometimes, when I’m distracted and ruin a recipe, or worry that that will be the time, I fuck it up enough to push you away—”
“I’ll be the one to tell you that it was just a recipe. And you can’t get rid of me that easy. Because people stay and fight. People stay.”
We sealed that promise with a kiss.
