“We aren’t the staying sort. We both know that. It’s not in our blood. The only reason you want me to stay is so that you can get her off your plate and you can leave too. Don’t act like you haven’t been running your whole life. You are just too damn proud to admit it.” She tossed her hair over her shoulder, glancing up to Collette’s room.
“That’s not true. Collette is wonderful.”
“Then you keep her.”
“I’m not you. I will never be you,” I said and understood just how true it was.
“I can’t.” She cast out her hands. “I’m sorry. Okay? I really am. I wish—” She shook her head, and for once, I felt her sincerity. “I wish I wasn’t such a shit person. I know that I am, okay? I know it. I hate it, but I can’t change it. She’s better off with you. It’s fucking obvious, but nobody will just say it.” Her familiar heat returned after the sudden show of vulnerability.
The reality of what this really meant closed in on me. “Are you ever coming back?”
Her lack of answer told me everything. “Look. I’ll sign whatever I need to. But she’s more yours than she’ll ever be mine.”
“I’m not a mother.”
“And neither am I. Maybe it’s just not in our blood.” She huffed. “But there’s a better mom out there for her. It’s just not me. I hope you’ll find her a good home.”
Like she was a lost puppy. Any moment, my knees would give out. This was too much.
“Just promise me that you will be careful with Harrison.”
“What?” I guffawed.
“He’s not family material, okay? It takes one to know one. He’s the good-time guy. Don’t let Collette get too attached.”
As if she could dictate anything about her daughter when she was the one leaving. I had so much rage stuffing my mouth like cotton I couldn’t express a single thought except one. One thought rang clear above them all. It was as true for her as it had been for my own mother.
“If you leave, I will never forgive you. There is no coming back from this, this time.”
I knew my sister, and I knew when she was determined. She shrugged sadly.
“Goodbye, Frankie. I’m sorry I couldn’t be better. At least now you can ride that high horse for the rest of your life.” She got in the car and drove away.
I stood for a long time staring, trying to process what this all meant.
* * *
Harrison
I was dreaming.
This was a favorite recurring fantasy of mine. Frankie turned up in my room in the middle of the night. The moon shone bright enough that the look of desire was clear in her eyes. She wanted me. She wanted me as desperately as I wanted her.
Next, she would crawl toward me. She would pull the blankets back and take off her shirt. I would lavish her with kisses. I would bring her pleasure like she’d never known.
Only this wasn’t a dream. Frankie really was here at the foot of my bed, whispering my name.
And the look in her eyes wasn’t desire …
“Frankie? What’s wrong?” I sat up and fumbled to flick on the table lamp.
She stood, arms wrapped tight around herself, head shaking subtly. I kneel-walked to meet her at the edge of the bed.
“Is it Collette?” Fear rushed adrenaline through me. I gripped her shoulders until she looked up at me with red eyes.
She shook her head. “Joey left. She left.”
“What?” I rubbed her arms up and down. My sleep-addled mind struggled to keep up. “Is she coming back?”
