“Yes. Are you?”
“Weird morning.” He scrubbed his hands through his hair, bags under his eyes. “I don’t know that I did the right thing, but she seems better.”
He probably didn’t sleep great after last night, and the stress of the early morning couldn’t have helped. Yet he was there for her. For me.
“You did great. You continue to blow my mind, Leo. That’s what I want to talk to you about. I’ve been so guarded with you these past few months. I’ve grown closer to you than anybody I’ve ever known.” His eyes watched me closely as I spoke, and he swallowed. “I was so sure that you would stop showing up. Eventually, get tired of all that I asked of you. Because...” My throat got so tight I had to stop to take a full breath in. He came closer to hold me. “That’s all I’ve known. People leave, and I didn’t want to tell you that because it made me feel shameful. Like something was wrong with me.”
“Mari,” he said and dropped his head to mine. “I’m so sorry.”
“This time with you has shown me that you’re my family. You and Janice.” I shrugged. “And maybe even Vander, as like that one odd cousin who randomly comes to town sometimes.” He grinned as I went on. “I don’t feel so afraid. No. That’s not true. I think I feel more afraid than ever. But I also feel happier than ever. I’m hopeful and excited. You’ve given me a place to call my own.”
“You are everything to me,” he said, and chills ran down my spine. Our hands clasped as our foreheads came together.
“I’m sorry I pushed you away last night. You told me to trust that people stay, and I couldn’t. How all our lives folded together felt like it was too good to be true. Every minute, I waited for you to tire of my pushiness or bursts of anger. Last night, it was like I was trying to prove myself right. I felt how close you and Cath were. I felt Vander’s return to your life, and I thought, ‘I can’t compete with that.’ I mean, that’s all Janice wanted when she reached out to me. And it was all working out. You were getting out more. You’d made up with friends. You were making a name around Green Valley. And I would serve no purpose anymore.”
“What? What do you mean?” He leaned back to look at my face, head slightly tilted, like a puppy listening for food dropping.
“I thought that you wouldn’t need me once your obligation to Cath was done,” I said, cheeks burning red.
Saying it out loud felt so silly now. It was amazing how real thoughts felt until you gave them a voice. Then they just sounded like a lie.
“No.” He smiled with a huff and a swallow. “Before that. All Janice wanted?”
“Oh. Yeah. Just that it was her idea for you to mentor Cath.”
“Janice told you to ask me?”
“I-I told you that?” Dread filled me at his rapid shift in demeanor.
“You didn’t. You said you wanted me. You fought for me with a marching band.”
“That’s true,” I said slowly. “Devlin and Janice both suggested you, and Cath was a fan. It made sense.”
“Janice told you that I needed help? That I needed to get out of the house?” he asked, voice rising.
He stepped even farther back, a hand running over his face. My heart was racing. This was all coming out wrong.
“When you say it like that, it sounds sad, but it wasn’t anything shady.”
“I knew you never wanted my help. I knew it never made any sense that you would ask me when you and the rest of this town thought I was another failure.” He stepped in a circle, hands tugging through his hair, mostly talking to himself. I’d never seen him like this. Like this was some big reveal, and I’d set the trap.
“I did want you. Idowant you. Did you hear the rest of what I said?” I asked.
“I’d been waiting for you to talk to me for months,” he said. “Waiting for you to say these exact things, and now it’s tainted. It was never about me. It was a debt to Janice. I was a charity case. Another person you had to help.”
“That is not true. It was a good setup for everybody. Does it matter how it started if it brought us here?” I asked.
“It matters if this isn’t real. If this is exactly why you kept yourself just a little out of reach from me. Because you never intended for any of this to happen.”
“I didn’t, but neither did you. Leo, I-I care about you deeply.” I wanted him to hear that he was loved, but fear held my tongue. I’d told him that I wanted him, and he was fixating on a small detail.
“Don’t say that just because you pity me.”
“Pity you?” I flinched back in hurt. “I envy you.”
“Come on.” He scoffed. “I’m the town joke, right? The loser burnout.”
“You are not. How many times do people have to say it until you believe it? Even if this town thought that, I don’t. I’m telling you that I envy what you and Janice have. You are such a tight family unit. I felt like such an outsider.”
