“Hiding? Who said I was hiding? I’m having a social night right now. Who would I learn more from than the matriarchs of Green Valley?” I asked.
“Don’t suck up.”
“You don’t want me here?” I gestured to the decked-out snack table. My years of providing the band with healthy alternatives on the road led to a secret calling of game snackage curation.
I kept my tone light, but with every comment, I grew more tense and too conspicuous in my big body. Maybe this wasn’t the refuge in Green Valley I’d hoped for. Right now, it was feeling more like a pit of vipers.
“Your mother comes here to get away from you,” Maxine said. “And now you’ve infiltrated here.”
My heart sank.
“Mom?” I looked at Janice, unable to hide the worry that contorted my eyebrows.
The matrons of Green Valley did not appreciate me calling my mom by her first name, even though I always had. It was one of those inside signs of our close relationship that nobody else understood.
“Maxine!” she chastised the woman before focusing on the rolling dice, not quite meeting my gaze. “That’s not true, honey. I love spending time with you. All day. Every day.”
“Bunco!” yelled someone at another table, and Maxine cursed under her breath.
“Good,” I said, then frowned in confusion. Why had she said it like that?
“I do think it might be good for you to get out of the house more. Maybe a hobby?” She focused on the scoring card.
“But. The garden.” I gestured toward the yard. “Did I tell you about the bees?”
“Yes, love. You told me about the bees. But maybe something outside the property? Go into town?”
“I thought you loved me being back home?” I glanced at the others; this wasn’t a private conversation, but they all looked away. Embarrassment burned the back of my neck.
Janice glanced nervously at the other ladies, Faye nodded subtly at her for encouragement. Had this been discussed before? Did nobody want me around? “Of course I do, sweetie. Of course. But you used to be so...driven. Music was your passion. I just hope you aren’t hiding out here instead of living your life. You’re so young.”
“Hiding? I’m not hiding. Why does everyone keep saying that?”
“You hardly go into town,” Maxine said. “You have a reputation.”
Why would I go into town when I felt the judgment of every person who looked at me? Half of them thought I was still the weird punk who used to get beat up in high school for wearing eyeliner and black nail polish, and the other half thought I was a snooty musician. Nobody knew me. Except for Janice.
Except for now, it would seem that even she was eager to get rid of me.
“I guess...if I’m not wanted.” I stood. I was all too aware of this familiar feeling.
Vander and the members of The Burnouts all staring at me. My chest heaving, hands fisted after throwing my sticks. Their exchanged glances, like they’d been talking about me...
“Honey,” my mom cajoled.
“Sit down. We can’t be down a person. Three more rounds.” Maxine whacked my knees, and I collapsed back into the chair.
“I don’t want you to leave,” my mom said, holding my gaze. “Idothink that helping other people can be healing. Stops you from dwelling on your own problems.”
“You think I should help Mari?” I asked. “That’s what your ganging up is all about?”
“I think you should help Cath. Imagine what a mentor could do at that age. You know how big everything feels at seventeen. I think it would be a lovely way to help the community and get out a little. Connect with some locals. Green Valley has changed a lot since you were in high school.”
“We have a pole dancing studio now!” Belle said.
I wouldn’t be thinking about the implications of that statement.
“All right, ladies, I’m getting older with every roll. Can we focus?” Maxine smacked the table, shaking the drinks. Around me, the game continued as I dwelled on my public razing. What was so bad about enjoying time off? I had been driven for most of my life, and look where that got me.
