We looked at each other and then burst out laughing. “Not at all awkward.”
“Toxic masculinity, my ass. Come here,” Vander said as he pulled me into a hug.
It wasn’t even lunch, and this was one of the best days I’d had in a long time.
CHAPTER 26
MARI
Leo’s prepared lunch wafted up appealingly, but my stomach wasn’t having it. There was an ever-present tension in my shoulders that had recently shifted to my gut, giving me an almost constant stomachache. Did the timing correlate to Leo and Vander’s reuniting? Yes. Did that make me an awful person? Maybe.
I sighed and pushed my lunch away.
It wasn’t that. I was glad that the two best friends had made up. Leo’s face lit up with joy when he’d replayed their conversation with me several weeks back. The fact that he was drumming with his former band was a bonus. He loved music, and it filled his soul. How could I be anything but thrilled for him?
Leo was as busy as me now. Coordinating my packed winter schedule with his band rehearsals and lessons with Cath meant I had to break down and finally get a new car. No more car rides or late nights at the recording studios. That independence I’d always said I wanted was returned to me but now it felt like loneliness.
All of us were getting what we had wanted when Janice approached me back at the start of the school year. Leo was out of the house. Cath was more prepared every day. Everything was going according to plan.
Eventually, my stomach would stop hurting.
“What’s that face about?” Clara asked as she slumped into the seat next to me in the teachers’ lounge.
“You’d think by now you’d realize this is just my face.”
“No. This is you pouting. Perhaps something you’d like to share with the class about a certain someone who’s almost never home these days?”
“Not anything I can share aboutwhyhe’s not home.” I wasn’t sure if him helping The Burnouts was a secret, but it was safer to be vague on that subject. “We’re spending less time together. I was thinking about that.”
This subtle nagging sensation would go away as I got used to being without him as much. That was always the plan. It was never meant to last, but I thought we’d have more time. It wasn’t so bad. I only missed Leo in the mornings. Or in the evenings when the band practice went late. Or when I was so busy throughout the day, I could only respond to his corny dad jokes with that constipated-looking emoji. We still saw each other when I brought Cath up for their sessions. But we almost never had time together, especially notalonetime. While superhot, our rushed make-outs in one of our cars made our relationship seem cheap, a poor substitution for the real thing.
If the change in our schedules was any indication of what would happen when Cath went off to college, it meant this time with Leo had an expiration date.
My slight stomachache turned into a hard cramp at the sudden understanding. Time was running out. I felt the color drain from my face.
“Is everything okay?” Clara asked earnestly.
“I’m freaking out,” I admitted. “I feel so unsure.” I shook my head, hunching in on myself.
“This isn’t the Mari I know,” Clara said. I frowned up at her. “The Mari I know attacks a problem full-on. She doesn’t wait for someone else to fix things. I admire that about you.”
I sat up straighter. She was right. Who was this passive person moping around?
I didn’t like this new schedule, and that was okay. I could be happy for Leo and still want to see him. I wanted to make an effort when we had time together. I sat up and felt a comforting sense of determination begin to grow. “You know how I can be aggressive at getting what I want?” I asked, an idea forming.
“Of course. It’s one of the many wonderful things in our shared DNA.”
“There is one area I feel is decidedly lacking that I wish I could, um, expedite a little.” A blush burned my cheeks. I was too old to be embarrassed to talk about this.
I’d had a taste of Leo’s talents and wanted more. His desire for me was evident as our kisses grew more and more intense, but this change to ourschedule had somewhat stalled any forward progression. Maybe it was a setting issue. We were only at his mom’s house, in my car, or at Devlin’s.
“Go on,” Clara insisted.
I groaned. “You’re just better at being seductive than me,” I admitted.
“Thank you,” she said with a knowing dip of her chin.
Clara naturally caught eyes with the way she moved. Her years as a dancer gave her the added element of knowing how to drive a man wild. I wanted Leo to lose control. I’d seen a glimpse of it in the studio and needed more.
