“I’m asking you to put us first,” he said flatly.
“This is bigger than us. This is about changing and challenging the way things are done.”
“You’re making me sound like an asshole,” he said.
I bit back the words on my tongue.No. I think you’re doing that just fine on your own.
“How can you be so heartless?” he asked, and his hurt shone through.
Heartless?
Was that how he saw me? How could I be expected to choose between the objectively right thing to do and a relationship that took years to cultivate? I didn’t have a gut instinct to guide me. I’d never felt in touch with my intuition. Facts and knowledge drove me.
Save dozens of families from financial ruin or ruin my relationship? I imagined the life he offered in NYC, living in a fabulous apartment and never having to worry about money. It was impossible to even imagine what a life like that would be like. Would it mean happiness?
Not to mention the luxury oftimethat came with financial security. I could, in theory, help people that way too. I could hole up for days and track down sources; New York was the center of the world.
But then.
I remembered the single mother who invested her entire life savings in the exploitive money scheme my article would expose. The tiny ceramic beads she handcrafted lovingly every night after working all day and sold online just to have some money to invest. The hope in her eyes as she spoke of those same freedoms and opportunities for her children.
Who was I to decide to trade many people’s lives for the safety of my own? How would I ever be able to live with myself? My hands were clammy, and my stomach continued to churn, but underneath it all, a relentless resolve fueled me.
I didn’t need to take time alone to process this decision like I might normally.
I stood and pulled from a reserve I wasn’t sure I had. “If you are even asking me to do this, then you don’t know me at all.”
He sucked in a breath, his eyes narrowing. “I knew you well enough to know you would pick your career over me.”
I stepped back, feeling hollow sadness and hot anger battle in my chest.
“I want you out,” he said.
My knees felt like they were going to give out. “What are you talking about? I live here.”
“Not anymore. I’m leaving for New York. I don’t want youhere. It’s not a good idea. If you continue with the article, you’re risking my job.”
“I have to finish the story. You know that,” I said, even though my throat was almost too tight to talk.
“Of course I do. That’s all you care about. It’s all you talk about. When was the last time we even had a conversation that wasn’t about your job?”
“I—”
“You don’t even remember to feed yourself. You don’t talk to anybody. It’s like you’re not even here anyway.”
“You know how I am when I’m working. You said you understood, and that wasn’t an issue.”
“I thought it would get better when we moved in with each other. I thought you might put someone else first. But you only care about your current fixation. Maybe it’s better this way. This clearly isn’t working. I need a partner who is going to support my needs too.”
“You mean you want somebody who won’t make you feel guilty for shitty decisions?” I said.
“You don’t live in the real world, Claire. People like us have no control over people at the top. That article is a waste of time, and we both know it. If it even gets published. But you need to hold on so desperately to prove something to yourself, over our relationship.”
“I refuse to believe that nothing matters.” I glared at Kevin. I held his gaze, though it was like looking into the eyes of a stranger. “You’ll see when you finally have all that money thatyou think will make you happy just how wrong you are.”
“Don’t be so idealistic. You’re getting too old for that,” he said, almost bored.
“Wow, double blow,” I said numbly.
