She bounced up so fast that I had to step back. She dropped her hand into mine and squeezed. It was dark and crowded enough that I didn’t worry too much about being seen. Also, what would my mother think if I didn’t dance with this beautifulwoman? As we stepped to the makeshift dance floor in front of the musicians, the song transitioned from a fast beat to a slow, soft melody.
Because, of course, it did.
Chapter 17
Claire
Levi clearedhis throat and brought me closer as the music shifted. My right hand slid into his left as his other hand moved to my waist. It was perfectly innocent, but for the way every nerve of my body lit up. I held his shoulder and wished I could close the last bit of distance between us.
Levi smelled incredible. A masculine woody scent with soap and the hints of apple cider still in the air. How many times could I take deep inhales of his chest and neck area before I weirded him out?
Chances were, I’d passed that line the moment I met him.
The soft music playing was an acoustic guitar and a man and woman gently harmonizing a love song about traveling the world. Their voices were lovely and fit the mood as the excitingevents of the day melted into the luxurious softness of the fall evening. All around the town square, portable metal firepits were jumped to life, surrounded by little groups of people wrapped in blankets.
I held on to Levi, not ready to let go of him or end this perfect day. He had done well, too, though the strain around his eyes spoke of how taxing this day had been. I would let him get back to the safety of the cabin.
Just one more song.
It was so nice to be held. I couldn’t remember the last time I enjoyed it without counting the appropriate number of seconds until it would be over, or worse, feeling like it led to an obligation. So much of what I thought was normal with Kevin, I was starting to understand that maybe it wasn’t healthy. Something was wrong with me and the way I behaved in our relationship, so I made up for it by beingobligingin other areas even when I didn’t necessarily desire to. I never actively wanted a physical connection. I didn’t hate it. I just wouldn’t have chosen it.
I’d been delusional in thinking he left me because of the story. This breakup was coming long before that.
I dropped my head to Levi’s chest, letting the steady thump of his heart smooth my jumbled thoughts.
Bump-bump. Bump-bump.
“You’ve gone quiet.” His voice rumbled through my ear and down my spine.
I lifted my head to meet his gaze. “Have I? It’s loud as ever up here.”
His focus flicked over my features. His thumb lifted to smooth the tension between my brows that I hadn’t even known was there. My breath caught at the action, but he dropped his hand again to wrap it around me.
“Are you okay?” he asked softly.
Boldness had me releasing his hand to swing my arms over his shoulders under the guise of better speaking in hushed voices. After a beat of hesitation, his hands came to rest just over my hips.
“I don’t think I was a very good girlfriend. Or at least, not very good for my ex.”
He frowned, and his body tensed as he missed a step. “Why do you say that?”
“Just thinking about things toward the end.” When I felt him tense, I decided this wasn’t the direction I wanted this night to go. I wouldn’t let Kevin ruin this moment. “Anyway. I don’t want to think about that right now.”
“Tell me what else is on your mind,” he said.
“I forget it’s like this sometimes,” I said, eventually focusing on the more positive direction of my tailspin.
He hummed a questioning sound.
“The simple sweet humanity of it all.” I looked around at the easy joy that surrounded us, and he followed my gaze. The friendly smiles between neighbors. The glow of children loaded up on sugar in the brisk air. The tired but happy eyes of their doleful parents smiling on.
“I’m so in my head all the time. I’m deep-diving into some newtopic, usually something awful, the underbelly of the worst of humanity. I get so set in the truth that people are inherently greedy and awful, but then, and maybe this is silly—I come out, and I see these little pockets of love and think, aw, maybe we aren’t so bad. Maybe most of us are just doing our best. We’re just a messy little collection of cells and matter given a conscience, and perhaps we’re doing okay with the chaos of the fact. Considering how hard it all can be. You know? Humans are cute.”
His jaw clenched, and his eyes went all hazy in the way they did when I spoke a lot at once. “Yeah,” he said. “It’s … nice. I should probably get out more.”
I wanted to pry into why his hometown seemed to be just as strange and new to him as it was to me, a visitor just passing through.
“Me too.” I sighed.
