“That’s a pretty heavy coincidence,” I said instead.
“I thought that as well.” She stopped rocking to run her hands by her temples and tug. “He was set to quit his job. It was only supposed to be temporary. That was the plan, but then he got the promotion and told me I had to choose between the story and our relationship. And now it was pointless. The story isn’t going to happen.” She shook her head. “None of this makes sense. Every single fact in that article is bulletproof. I had everything triple-checked and verified, and this is utter bullshit.”
Her growing anger felt like a relief. It burned its way through her state of shock. Slowly, one layer at a time, I would help her through this.
“Unbelievable,” I said.
“That’s not even the worst bit. Melanie told me she thinks it’s because Slimeball McGee had major stock investments in this company, which, as it happens, has a subsidiary. A subsidiary that is one of the few remaining major advertisers for the paper. I always thought the integrity of the paper was more important than anything. But once again, I had completely misjudged what I thought to be cut-and-dry ethics.”
“Fuck.” I ran a hand down my face.
“Yep. If I had to guess, there was a ‘nudge, nudge get rid ofyour problem child or lose your paper’ situation. Actually, hearing that option feels slightly less awful than the excuse they gave me. Better corrupt office politics than just being seen as useless?”
“I’m so sorry, Claire.”
She made a sound ofhmmbefore staring into the fire for a long time. She still hadn’t cried or shown as much anger or devastation as I would probably be displaying at this moment, but as she said, identifying feelings in the heat of the moment was a skill that required training like anything else.
“I feel like it’s a bad dream,” she said eventually. Softly. “That I’ll wake up and realize that it was a horrible stress dream all along.”
Her desolation destroyed me. I couldn’t bear seeing her like this; I hated that I couldn’t fix it for her. I scooped her into my lap, let her nestle against me, and find comfort in my nearness, if nothing else.
“It’s understandable. You put your heart into your work. It’s admirable.”
“And I just keep thinking about the people I was trying to help. They’re just gonna get screwed over as an already obscenely rich person gets richer. I don’t know what to do. It just seems so unfair. It’s the injustice of it all that is so infuriating. Kevin made me seem so naive for believing I could make a difference, and it kills me that he’s right.”
“You aren’t naive. He wasn’t right.” I bit out the words, my fists clenchedtight.
“All I ever wanted was to make some sort of difference in the world, and now it all feels so pointless.”
“It’s not pointless. It matters. People need to care,” I said, but it felt flat. “But I understand feeling powerless.”
“I know,” she said sadly. She turned to hold my hand. “ I’ll be okay. I’ll go back to Chicago, homeless. Jobless. And start all over, and I’ll be okay. I just feel so tired. Defeated.”
The announcement of her new plan made my palms sweaty. “You don’t have to decide anything right now.” I clenched my fists, hoping she couldn’t see the nerves I tried to hide. I wanted her to stay here. I wanted her to know that she could stay here as long as she needed.
Forever.
If there had ever been doubt before about my growing feelings for her, they vanished as I tried to soothe her. If loving someone meant feeling desperate to stop them from ever hurting, then there was no doubt I loved Claire. There hadn’t been doubt for a while. I wanted to protect her. Keep her safe and satisfied.
But her restless gaze and jumping leg told me that this wouldn’t be the right time to make that offer. “You have a little under a week until Thanksgiving. Just rest and process for now.”
She made a soft sound before she retreated back into herself, the fire dancing in her glassy eyes.
“Thank you for all this. I’m not great at feeling things. Blah.”
“It’s a lot to process. There is time,” I said.
“Can I admit something shallow?” she asked.
“This is a circle of trust.” I gestured around us.
“I’m so mad about Kevin too. That text was so damn smug.” She ground her jaw, nostrils flaring. “This story was everything to me. It’s everything I amounted to.”
“That’s not true. It’s an article. It doesn’t define you,” I said.
She shook her head, and I wasn’t entirely sure she was listening. “Publishing this story made everything worth it. I was saving lives or at least helping them not be financially ruined. All the rest wouldn’t be so bad if I could just make a difference, but it was all for nothing. Evil will win. Money will always mean power. And in the end, Kevin was right. It really sucks.”
“He wasn’t right. He might have money, but Kevin lost the best thing, so I can’t imagine he’s feeling smug right now. He’s probably realizing he messed up. Especially if he’s still trying to contact you.”
