“Sophie, look at me,” Pace said, blocking everything else from view but him. Was my overreaction to this news written all over my face? Was I embarrassing him? “I promise you this isn’t a big deal, okay? I didn’t tell you because I didn’t care. It makes no difference to me,” he said, holding my gaze.
I wanted to believe him. I so badly wanted to let this night be magical and life-changing.
But when I looked up, my heart fell. Over his shoulder, a gorgeous woman was walking toward us.
I recognized her instantly. She was stunningly beautiful, having grown even more so with time. Long, shining black hair, modelesque cheekbones, and a tall, lithe figure that made me feel full potato-mode. Wasn’t there supposed to be some karmic balance that if you were beautiful when everybody else went through an awkward puberty stage, then you would age faster as they found their stride? But no. She looked incredible. That wasn’t fair. Her easy elegance always struck me. Even as teens. When I saw myself in videos, it was as if I held myself the wrong way, unconsciously signaling to others that I was not like them. She was always elegantly smooth in her movements. It made me seem almost robotic by comparison, but a defunct machine, outdated, and several updates behind.
She smiled cautiously, gaze flicking to the small group of us. “Hey, Levi. Hi, I’m Kaylee,” she said to Claire and me, obviously having no idea who either of us were.
We all mumbled various awkward responses. Even Claire was unusually tight-lipped as her wide eyes flicked between the two of them.
“Pace,” she said.
“Hi, Kaylee,” Pace said.
He wasn’t looking right at her. He was frozen. I’d never seen him this still, and if I had any doubts about his feelings before, they were answered now.
You didn’t react like this if you didn’t care.
“Do you mind if we chat for a minute?” She flicked a glance to me, dismissive, before looking back to him.
Pace, who had his gaze locked on some distant point above all our heads, broke the stare to look at me, an expression I’d never seen before—closed off, almost angry. “Do you mind?” he asked me.
I couldn’t tell if he wanted me to beg him to stay or push him to go. With everybody’s awaiting gaze, there was no way to keep him here, but selfishly, I didn’t want him to go with her. I had this bad feeling that if he left my side now, everything would fall apart.
Instead, I just said, “No. Of course not. Go ahead.”
I squeezed his hands, and he bent to brush a kiss along my cheek. I let out a low, slow breath as he released my hands and turned.
He began to walk away without another word, as if on autopilot, then he turned back and said, “I’ll be right back. Don’t go. I’ll just—I’ll be right back.”
He shot a look at Levi as though he would hold me down to keep me from bolting.
“I’m not leaving,” I said, holding Pace’s gaze.
Kaylee smoothed her shining hair over her shoulder and spun away.
I watched them move through the crowd, not quite as one but smoothly, like a boat through still water, causing ripples of gossip in their wake.
It was impossible not to notice how good they looked together. Howright. I could practically hear the thoughts of everyone they passed.
Those two were always meant to be.
So romantic.
I’ve always hoped they’d find their way back together.
It just makes sense.
The jealousy took me by absolute surprise. The crushing pain of rejection, sure, that was to be expected, but the rage I felt wasn’t typical.
He was mine. I knew him better than anyone. And yet she was the looming figure of his past that sat in every unspoken conversation. This was the piece of himself he kept locked away, not wanting me to see. I was sure of it. If he had told me his biggest fears, would they forever revolve around losing her?
What an absolutely shitty time to realize I wanted to tell him I was head over heels in love with him. Why hadn’t I told him? Made him talk about it. Why didn’t I force the conversation this morning when we had our arms wrapped around each other and he traced freckles on my knees with his tongue? Where was this clarity then? Or the countless times we sat side by side on the couch, him reading his pulp fiction and me trying and failing to crochet small animals for the shop?
Kaylee and Pace stood on the edge of the room, partially hidden from sight. I could go up to them now. I could walk right up and stake my claim. He’d said that he liked it when I did that at the fire, but then what ... Is that what he would want? Pace was a good man, and what would this proclamation do to him? Would he feel some sense of obligation to me since we had sex this morning? Or to her, since they were each other’s first everything?
No. I wanted to be somebody’s first choice, not an obligation. I wanted the person who left no room for any doubt. I wanted no secrets and no masks. I felt, for once, that I deserved it.
