“That feels a little extreme ...”
“You probably talk to local critters like a Disney princess.” I thought of the aforementioned bunnies in the park, but decided it was best to bite my tongue. “You wouldn’t even know what it’s like to have to overthink every aspect of your being—never mind. I’m sorry. That’s not fair. We all have our crosses to bear.”
Suddenly, I was aware of how I was standing. My arms crossed over my chest, legs spread in a secure stance. Mymuscles looked supreme at this angle, but she wasn’t even looking at me.
“What is this list for, Sophie?” I asked gently.
She finally looked at me, however briefly, and then sighed. “It’s homework from my therapist. Former therapist, maybe. Actually, I don’t know where we stand.”
“Homework?”
Therapist?
I didn’t think people outside of Claire and Levi talked so openly about seeing a therapist. It still felt slightly taboo to me to be so open about mental health stuff. Like religion and politics, it was maybe not the best thing to bring up upon meeting someone. On the other hand, if you wanted a crash course in another person, jumping straight into their trauma was the fastest way.
She let out a breath. “These are things I want or need to do—” Her cheeks went red. “But can’t bring myself to do.”
She’d spread the list out on the table, presumably giving up on hiding it from me at this point.
“These all feel very manageable.” I’d meant it encouragingly, but it was definitely the wrong thing to say. She hunched in on herself, shoulders forward, a protective cocoon. If that sweater could swallow her whole, she probably would have let it.
“For a normal person like you, they probably do,” she mumbled.
My stomach twisted with guilt. I often found myself saying the wrong thing to Levi when he was at his worst. I hated that I always put my foot in my mouth.
“I’m not here to judge, just help,” I said with a hopeful shrug.
If she could only understand that I could help her and that I was meant to be here. I debated sharing with her about my best friend and his own struggles with his loss and depression, but decided that wasn’t my story to share.
She tentatively lifted her head as if to see if I was fucking with her. I’d really stepped in it. I was just taken aback by every part of this. Eventually, she bit her bottom lip and nodded.
“I have social anxiety. It’s been ... getting worse these last few years. I, well, my doctor thought ... we both thought if I could start to maybe tackle these one by one, then it might help.”
“Oh. Like exposure therapy.”
She blinked at me, eyes wide and mouth parting in surprise. “Yes. Exactly that. How did you know?”
I waved away her question. I wasn’t able to delve into why I’d secretly done hours and hours of research on different types of therapy when trying to figure out how to help Levi. Again, it wasn’t my story to share.
But her confession confirmed that this was what I was meant to be doing. I couldn’t let all that research go to waste. Finding her note had been like coming across a lifeline. It was like I’d been floating in a sea of uncertainty, and then suddenly a raft appeared to save her. But I was the life raft. Okay, this metaphor wasn’t making sense, but the point was that I could be for Sophie what I wasn’t for Levi. I could really help someone.
I felt firm-footed on solid ground for the first time in months. I felt so relieved, I wanted to call Levi and tell him how much better I felt, and that he didn’t need to have whatever talk he’d been trying to have with me. But if I told him that, then that would be admitting that somethinghadbeen wrong.
And there wasn’t anything wrong.
Obviously, I was fine. And finding Sophie tonight made everything even better.
“I’m going to help you cross off these items.” I put my hand in a fist over my heart. I would drop to a knee and bow my head like her knight in shining armor, if I didn’t think it was just a little too far.
Maybe later, though.
I was so excited about my newfound purpose, so sure that this was meant to be, that it hadn’t even occurred to me that she wouldn’t feel just as excited. Based on how that greenish tint returned to her face, I’d been dead wrong.
“Ha!” she coughed loudly, half choking, half exclaiming. Fully shocked. “No. No, I don’t think so.”
9
Sophie
