“Don’t worry,” Claire said, and I knew these two wouldn’t tell anybody else Sophie’s business.
“Thanks. Just text me if you see her.”
“What does she look like?” Claire asked.
I glanced to Levi, hoping he’d explain so I could keep looking. He shrugged. “Sorry, I’m not actually sure myself.”
“She’s beautiful. Really, just breathtaking in an unexpected way. She has this energy, like she’s quiet but you can tell she has all this knowledge swirling around her dark eyes.”
Levi cleared his throat and looked down, trying to hide a smile. Claire didn’t bother hiding hers. She beamed at me. “I just meant, what color is her hair? How tall is she?”
I cleared my throat and felt heat burning my face hotter than the bonfire ever did. “She’s a few inches shorter than me.” I held my hand to where my shoulder stopped. “Dark brown hair. Longish.”
“Soft and shiny like a flowing river?” Levi teased.
I had been trying to give a description of her that would set her apart. “Screw you. Bye.”
“We can’t wait to meet her,” Claire called.
“Not likely,” I said lightly.
I turned and left, their stifled laughs following me.
I searched the perimeter of the town square, weaving in and out of the crowd, checking every laughing family or canoodling couple I passed. I received more than one confused look as I ducked my head to see someone’s face, intruding way too far on personal-space bubbles. With every person who wasn’t Sophie, dread gathered like a stone in my gut.
I had no idea what I’d been thinking. I hadn’t been thinking. At least, not about her needs, not really. I’d been thinking about how good it would feel formeto help her.
I obsessed over that list, had it memorized. Something like this bonfire, a big social gathering, would be near the bottom, a seemingly impossible task to her. And I’d just thrown her in the deep end. How did I ever think that I would be good at this?
I was just about to head back to Hooks and Grannies when I saw a small, huddled shape on the bottom of the stairs leading to a two-story shopping center across the road, less than ten yards away from where I had been standing with the rest of the firefighters.
As I approached, soft sniffles reached my ears. Sophie had her knees up to her chest, arms wrapped tight around them. It was enough to break my fucking heart.
I was punched in the chest with guilt. I had bulldozed her into coming tonight, thinking I knew what was best. I used to do the same thing with Levi, and it had never been the right thing.
Every sniffle from Sophie added to my overwhelming feeling of wrongness. Why had I thought I could help her? I never knew the right thing to do. My hands shook as I lowered to kneel on the ground in front of her.
“Sophie.” I swiped my hat off and balled it in my twisting hands. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to abandon you.”
“You’re fine. This is so dumb.” She gestured to her crying face.
I wanted to scream for fucking up so bad. I had to make this right. I had to fix this. Tugging on my hat, I pulled her hands into mine. Even if she had technically walked away first, I was the one who failed her in my first task to help.
“Fuck. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, Sophie. I shouldn’t have dragged you here. I wasn’t thinking. I got that text, and I didn’t want to leave your side. I have this feeling with you, like as soon as I turn around, you’re going to pop out of existence, and it will be years before I see you again. But I am sorry. This was too much.”
I couldn’t believe I said all that. She watched me with that serious, observant gaze.
“I’m still here,” she said. “And I’m okay. Really.”
“You should feel proud for coming,” I said.
She tilted her head and smiled softly at me. “I was watching you this last hour or so,” she said. She wiped her eyes and straightened as though determined to put an end to her crying.
I almost didn’t register her confession under all the layers of guilt covering my mind. “Oh, yeah?”
“You’re like a social ninja. I’ve never seen anything like it,” she said.
I felt a prickle of pride and lifted my dropped head. “I didn’t do anything,” I said, thinking back over the last few hours that were a whirlwind but also extremely typical for this sort of event.
