“Of course.” I couldn’t meet her eyes. If I looked at her now, she would see all my inner turmoil.
I’d been about to kiss her. Had that alarm not gone off, my hand would have been finding its way up that skirt to squeeze her ass while we made out.
I wanted to make sure she was safe, not make her moan on one of these cots before the guys got back.
That’s not true. I did want both things. But I would only do one.
Take care of her. I would always want to take care of Sophie.
“Let’s get you home. I’ll get your sweater back to you next time I see you.”
“Okay,” she said in a small voice.
Hopefully, by the time we meet again, I’ll have gotten my act together and be able to look her in the eyes. When this started, I had thought I could be better for her, but this was somehow so much worse. Not only was I responsible for quite possibly the worst day of her life, but I’d gone and developed deep, unrelenting feelings for her.
21
Pace
I had expectedthat Sophie would retreat after our almost kiss—God, what had I been thinking? But I knew. She was irresistible. I was growing accustomed to having excuses to be around her.
Going against every single instinct to check in with her every moment of every day, I gave her space as I did with Levi. As I probably should have done with Kaylee, looking back. It wasn’t about my need to be needed; it was about their needs, or specifically, Sophie’s. As much as I missed her and wanted to be in her presence constantly, the last thing she’d want was to be smothered.
To my immense pleasure, only two days later,shereached out to me.
She messaged me a GIF of a trembling turtle’s head poking out of its shell.
Sorry, I’ve been retreating.
I gave her a winky emoji back and asked how she was.
Ready for my next task. With a strong-arm emoji. Of course, she was, because she was resilient.
That was all we needed to start a constant flow of conversation. For all that Sophie seemed to hold back in person, her texts came at all hours on all topics.
We chatted back and forth the whole week and the next. It was a thrill to see her reach out to me when I woke up, and she was the last person I talked to each night.
Things were getting busy around town, and with the start of the holidays, which seemed to start today with Halloween, I provided various services in addition to the long shifts at the firehouse. And yet Sophie made her list a priority without me even having to bring it up. After the epic failure at the bank, something in her shifted. She was still herself, anxious and thoughtful, but she was more determined than ever. She really wanted to make progress. Things were being marked off the list left and right.
And I was there for it all.
I was with her when she called to make a dentist appointment. She tried to book it online, and when it didn’t work, they called her back, almost causing her a panic attack. But she answered the phone and talked to them. I wasn’t sure if she realized she was squeezing my hand as she made the appointment. But I held it right back.
I held her trembling hand during the dental cleaning too, and chatted with the dental hygienist so she didn’t have to.
I even got her to join me for a morning run. Not one with all the guys, I didn’t want to traumatize her, but we walked/jogged around all of Cozy Creek and then got a smoothie. She was pleasantly surprised by that activity, and it made me glow when she said,I liked how much it brought me out of my head when I was focusing on not collapsing from exhaustion. This may be something I try again. I need a better bra though. I had to lookat the bright blue Colorado sky, not at where she winced and tugged at her bra.
I did not, however, go in with her to the lady doctor. Nobody wanted that. I did wait for her in my truck though.
Her face and neck burned bright red when she hopped into the passenger’s seat an hour later.
“Are you?—?”
She shook her head once. “We don’t need to talk about it.” She buckled herself in, face forward, as I checked to make sure she was okay. Her hands were clasped in her lap. “Just know that my last boyfriend didn’t see as much as she did. Oof. Any boyfriend,” she mumbled.
I had a few follow-up questions after that comment. First and foremost, when was her last boyfriend? How did she feel about boyfriends in general? When could I ask her to be more than friends?
Instead, I said, “But, hey. You did it. Another item off the list.” I held up my hand for a high five.
