“Or no? I’m sorry. Is that outside the realm of a SHMOS?” she asked. Her fingers curled to make fists under her chin.
I met her gaze. Heat burned up my neck now. I felt feverish with want. My cock was so hard from those words that I really worried I was closer to coming than I already thought.
“No. I want that so bad.” I pressed the heels of my palms into my eye sockets until I saw stars. “But I think that if you touch me right now, I will come,” I told her, then palmed my cock, willing it into submission as I winced.
“I don’t mind,” she said, eager and happy.
I groaned again because she was so fucking adorable, and it was like a lighter to the final thread holding my self-control. “I do. I want this, us, to be ...”Specialwas on the tip of my tongue, but it felt too corny. “I don’t want to rush this.”
Her smile softened with fondness. “Okay. Let’s slow down.” She dropped her hands in her lap, twiddling her thumbs. She looked back to my misbehaving cockhead (which bounced again like an eager puppy at the smallest bit of attention) and then seemed to think better of it and tucked her hands under her bent legs.
“The truth is.” I cleared my throat. This wasn’t a big deal. Sophie had told me anything and everything that came to her mind since the moment I’d met her, no-holds-barred. I could share this piece of myself. I wasn’t sure why I felt so nervous suddenly. “It’s been a while since I was with anybody,” I confessed, looking up.
“Okay. Me too.” She waited to see if I was going to say something else.
“I don’t know if you imagine that I’m some great Lothario.”
“Lothario?” I could tell she was biting back a smile.
“Casanova? James Bond? I don’t know who I mean.” She sucked in her lips to keep from laughing. “But I know the rumors in town. Everyone thinks that since I haven’t been with anybody seriously since Kaylee, that I have been sleeping around, with tourists, with women from the Springs. And I let people think that because it’s easier than correcting them.”
She relaxed back against the couch, propping her head on her hand to listen to me. “I’ve always admired that about you. You really don’t care what people think. Or more like, because that sounds negative and most people love you, I admire how you let people perceive you however they want, and you don’t correct them.” She let out a breath. “Not me. I want to have a prepared statement for everybody I come in contact with, so they perceive me exactly as I want them to.”
I grabbed her hands, missing the physical connection. When she put it like that, I wasn’t sure that it was self-confidence that had me brushing off other people’s opinions. At this moment, already feeling so deeply exposed to her, it felt like the opposite. Like I’d rather them think I was pulling regularly, still hung up on my ex, and not that I was actually ...what? What was it I didn’t want people to know? A tightening of my chest pulled my attention away from her.
“Eh. Other people’s opinion of me is none of my business,” I quoted from something I couldn’t remember.
She scoffed. “Of course, it is your business.” She looked appalled. “Who else’s would it be?” I brought her hand to my mouth to kiss the soft skin of her inner wrist. All the tension melted out of her. “Sorry. I’m focused. What is it that you’re worrying about right now, Pace?”
I thumped her hands gently against my knee, shocked at the fears that gripped me.
Her eyes lifted to mine, soft but steady, waiting.
“I’m not—” I huffed out a quiet breath, searching for the right words. “I don’t have a ton of experience with, uh, intimacy. Not like people believe.”
Her expression didn’t change, but something in her gaze softened. She leaned closer.
“I want to learn what you need,” I said, quieter now. My throat was so tight, my heart slammed so hard against my chest, I was sure my whole body shook, and I was making an idiot out of myself. “I just, uh, want to take my time with you.”
That felt more right. More honest. I didn’t want to burn through this night with her.
My thumb brushed lightly over her knuckles. When I looked up to meet her gaze, liquid desire was still there even as she listened patiently, giving me the courage to go on. “I want to learn what you like. What makes you feel good.” My voice dipped without meaning to. “I want to make sure you’re okay. That you’re ... enjoying it.”
Her breath hitched softly, and I felt a reaction in my whole body.
“I don’t care about anything else,” I admitted. “Just you.” The words settled between us, heavier than I expected ... but not wrong. Not even close.
“I feel the same, you know.” She bit her lip as her gaze moved over my face. “I’m actually really excited to learn what drives you crazy.”
“In that case, I hope you are patient with me, because I already feel so out of control with you, Sophie. Like, I’m seconds from ... Well, we might need to take a few rounds.”
She leaned forward and brushed a soft kiss to my neck. I shuddered with pleasure as she exhaled her warm breath against my ear. “I’m happy to be here for that.”
I groaned in excitement.
“We will learn together,” she said, straightening back. “I don’t have any expectations; I just want to be here with you. I am more at peace in my head when I’m touching you than at any other time. It makes me hopeful for what can happen next.” She swallowed, and a blush spread over her cheeks. “And based on how my body reacts to you kissing me, I’m quite literally happy to SHMOS, and that can be it. I am not all that experienced either. A few awkward hookups in college just to rip off the Band-Aid, and that’s it. It’s not easy for me to be intimate with people. Not like it is with you. But it has been since the moment we met. You make me feel safe to be myself, Pace.”
My heart flipped in my chest as my hands shook. So many times, I thought I was doing or saying the wrong thing with Sophie, but to know she felt safe with me was more important than any fears I had about not being enough in bed. It was a weight off my shoulders I didn’t even know was there.
