“So long as you don’t get stuck at that point. Don’t let your needy friend convince you to stay home.” I laughed at his elaborate metaphor. “Everything will be harder than sitting still. Everything. But that’s the payout.”
“Being uncomfortable is the price of admission.” I repeated his words from so many weeks ago. They’d agitated me at the time, but now I understood how true they were. How I’d thought that exact thing when he moved inside of me just a little while ago. It was the struggles that made the pleasures feel so good.
I could have stayed safe in my bubble when he showed up that night at the shop, but then I wouldn’t have ever gotten to this moment of being in his arms.
“I don’t think I can go back to before,” I admitted.
“Good.”
“You’re right. I have to stop thinking in terms of finding a way to be fearless, belittling myself for not being fearless like you are, and own that the fear is who I am and move anyway.”
Finishing that list will be the ultimate proof of success.
“I’m not fearless,” he said, low and quiet.
“What scares you, Pace?” I asked.
He tensed under me. I thought that maybe in the dark of the room, our shared intimacy would be enough to get to this final piece of Pace.
In so many ways, the open and gregarious Pace seemed to hold way more secrets than I. It’s the opposite of what everyone in town likely assumed, but Pace kept part of himself locked away.
“Silver-haired grandmas wanting me to pose naked.”
I laughed and let him change the subject, but couldn’t help the smallest twinge of hurt at the joke.
27
Pace
“Isit safe to say that Pace is smitten?” Claire asked in a loud whisper at my side.
“We could ask him if he ever stops staring at her,” Levi replied.
“I can answer and keep staring at Sophie,” I said in response to their blatant attempt to bait me.
Across the firehouse mess hall and into the galley, Sophie smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear. Lifting her gaze to catch mine, she sent me a flirty little eyebrow raise before focusing on the people in her immediate vicinity again. I swallowed and gripped my bubbly water, feeling its effervescence through my whole body. I warned my feet to stay in place, where I leaned against the center island in the kitchen. She was doing great.
It was Friendsgiving at the firehouse. It had been packed with friends and neighbors.
The main table where we normally shared our meals was extended, and chairs were added to accommodate all the visitingguests. Cole and Madi, Claire and Levi, Luanne and Noah, Jeff and his wife, even Mason and the others on duty, took the time to eat and help out. Thankfully, no calls came in as food was passed around. The conversation was loud and bright as the couples shared the sometimes ridiculous stories of how they all met.
Now, we were all full, standing around, digesting as the party grew rowdier even as there were fewer people. The younger families had long gone home, but the atmosphere was festive and fun.
While I had been hesitant to leave Sophie’s side, as the night wore on, I felt her grow more comfortable. She squeezed my hand under the table in reassurance when a couple of women asked her to join them for a game of darts while the guys cleaned up. She sent me a quick, shy smile before following after. Now, she seemed to be impressing them with her hidden talent for the game. When she shot me another look, I gave her a thumbs-up and grinned like an idiot.
“Smooth,” Levi muttered, and Claire hushed him for teasing.
A flush burned my ears. It had been a painfully dorky gesture, but I was a man lost to feelings.
With one week until the Winter Ball, and the holidays keeping everyone busy at their jobs, this night had been carved out as a chance for all of us to gather and be grateful. I had been nervous she wouldn’t want to come, but watching her here, meeting all the other people in my life, and trying so hard despite a wave of nerves, I had never felt more grateful. Since Sophie and I had decided on going to the charity ball together, we’d used it as an excuse to spend even more time with each other, discussing how to cope with her anxieties and things like what we were going to wear.
But now with the added bonus of full access to each other’s bodies.
I couldn’t get enough of her. The firehouse had always been home to me, but now every shift stretched longer than it should, my mind somewhere else entirely.
With her.
It wasn’t the emptiness I used to fight anymore. It was the distance. Every hour away from Sophie felt like time misplaced. It was time I could be spending with her.
