“Ranger?” Jasmine repeated. “Tall, muscular, looks like he could be Albino except he’s got blue eyes?” She even held her hand up in the air to emphasize the word “tall”.
Toni nodded.
“His cut said ‘Ranger’?” Sophia questioned. “R-A-N?—”
“I know how to spell ‘Ranger’,” Toni cut her off, both annoyed and defensive at their reactions. “Why? What’s wrong that I was on Ranger’s bike? He’s not married, right?”
Both shook their heads.
“No,” Jasmine clarified. “Not married. It’s just… Surprising. After his last girlfriend… Well, let’s just say we wouldn’t have been surprised if he remained single for the rest of his life.”
“Not that wewanthim to remain single,” Sophia added hastily. “He’s truly a good guy.”
“A great guy,” Jasmine emphasized.
Sophia nodded, “And loyal. All these men are. It’s like there was something in the water when their moms were pregnant. Once you have their loyalty, they’ll die for you.”
“But if you break it…” Jasmine’s eyes widened and she looked away.
“We’re just surprised Ranger would allow you on his bike,” Sophia continued, like Jasmine hadn’t just let her ominous, unfinished statement hang. “Unless…” Sophia’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Unless you know him?”
Toni’s cheeks heated. “We’ve…met before. He, uh, helped me when my car broke down on the side of the road.” She didnotmention that it had happened only the night before.
“Really?” Why did Sophia look so cheery at this news?
Toni nodded slowly, her eyes bouncing back and forth between the two of them. “Honestly, I don’t know him very well. But I’d like to,” she confessed honestly. “I just… There’s something about him, and it’s like I want to hug him and heal him of all his sorrows while also being completely dominated and overwhelmed by him at the same time.”
To her surprise, both Jasmine and Sophia laughed at this confession.
“Welcome to loving aVia Daemoniaman,” Jasmine said, smiling. “And honestly, Ranger is a great choice. One of the best.”
“But,” Sophia added, exchanging a look with Jasmine, “his story is his own. He’ll tell it to you when he’s ready. Just…” The two looked at each other again, and it was like Jasmine gave her best friend a nod of approval, or maybe encouragement, to continue. “Just hold onto that feeling you have, and remember that these men are not good at leaning on others. They would rather face a horde of fire-breathing dragons on their own with only one bullet than admit that they need help.”
Toni opened her mouth to respond that dragons weren’t so bad as she was a self-proclaimed book dragon, but they were interrupted by the loud roar of a motorcycle, heavy footfalls on the ground, and then a fist being pounded against the door. “Sophia! I know you’re in there, you crazy woman! Where the fuck are my keys!”
CHAPTER 7
“Hi, my name is Liam, and I’m addicted to heroin.” Lifting his shaking hands, Ranger stared down at the old wood podium. Someone, likely a teenager, had etchedJesusinto one corner and it looked like juice or something with color had been spilled on it more than once. “I hate this fucking podium. I hate that I’m standing up here. Please don’t misunderstand, I don’t hate this program or what it stands for. I respect everyone who has come up here before me to share. What I hate is the helplessness that I feel right now. I’m free falling without a parachute and this podium is the only thing that’s catching me. I’m a hundred and twenty-five days sober. I blame myself that it’s not higher, and I hate that I took my life for granted before I even knew, trulyknew, what sobriety was.
“I feel ashamed that this is the first of two meetings I know I am going to have to go to today. I have always been the strong one, the one people relied upon the most in a crisis. Now I’m barely holding it together, clinging to a fucking podium like it’ll fix all my problems. I know many of you believe in a higher power. I’m not here to debate the presence of one. My family is mine. My mom and my sister. My brothers, their wives, and their kids. That’s what I cling to in the dark, because Ineverwant to disappoint them again. I want to still be the person they rely on in a crisis.
“But how can I when a simple thing like a curfew sends me over the edge like a child throwing a tantrum? How can they trust me when I don’t trust myself?” Ranger looked out at his audience. The twelve-thirty meeting tended to have a few extra participants because of traditional work lunch breaks, but today was on the lighter side. Having come when Ranger had called him, Cross now sat in the back row with another one of his sponsees. “I was doing really well. Open communication with my sponsor, kept to my schedule, even got a job, and then yesterday morning…” Ranger shook his head. “I was reminded of how fast it can hit. How little warning you get. It was like a trigger was flipped in my sleep. It wasn’t a craving, per se, but a hollowness. IknewI was missing something. I did the right thing and called my sponsor. We went to a meeting yesterday morning, and then I went about my day. I even went to my regular meeting that night, too. But then this morning…” Ranger licked his lips, closing his eyes against the shame he felt when he recalled how he felt pulling up to Ghost and Becks’ house. “My sister is pregnant. In a few months, she’s going to give birth to my niece or nephew.
“I should be ecstatic. I should be out shopping for diapers and onesies that have those cute sayings on them, like ‘I have the best uncle’ or ‘my uncle’s wingman’ or ‘future cereal killer’ where it’s spelled like the breakfast food, not the murdering psychopath. I should be celebrating a new member of my family.” Ranger’s knuckles were white on the old wood as he fought to catch his breath. “Instead, I’m wondering if my sister will ever trust me to be alone with the kid. WouldItrust me if someone like me wanted to babysit my son or daughter?” Ranger cringed, thoughts of Toni round with his child filling his head. A year ago, he would have been thrilled by the idea. But now…? “Iwant to be better. Ineedto be better. Not just for myself, but for my family. And I know my impatience is not a good thing. I know that I can’t be so concerned about the future that I forget to think about today. But I also know that I need to better myself today for that future. Because if I can’t trust myself then it’s not fair to ask my friends and family to.” Ranger paused for a moment, pondering if there was anything else he wanted to say, and then nodded to the small crowd. “Thank you.”
* * *
“…grantme the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” While others ended the Serenity Prayer with “amen”, Ranger did not. He spoke the words, not to a deity, but for himself. The first time he’d joined hands with the other attendees of a meeting to say the prayer, he felt awkward, like attending a worship service for a god he didn’t believe in. But after several meetings, he understood that, like choosing his club to be his higher power, he would speak the words without them being a lie.
The church basement they were in held a number of AA meetings per day. More so than Ranger ever thought a small town like Mount Grove would need. As he’d said in his share, he’d been very ignorant of what sobriety was truly about for most of his life. Like him, there were many who were here because they needed the meeting, not because they were alcoholics. Some were here from NA, narcotics anonymous, or GA, gamblers anonymous. One person who shared was addicted to porn, to the point where he’d been fired repeatedly from different jobs over the years for masturbating at work. Ranger would haveneverthought porn was something one couldbecome addicted to, but he supposed everything was about moderation.
Once they were done cleaning up and prepping the room for the next meeting, Cross approached Ranger. “Let’s get some coffee, yeah?”
Ranger knew it wasn’t a question, but he also had no intention of turning it down. Both Cross and Ranger said goodbye to various people before they headed up the stairs and out into the parking lot. Ghost had dropped Ranger off for the meeting, but Cross must have texted him that he had Ranger because Ghost wasn’t waiting for Ranger in the parking lot like he said he would be.
Ranger got into Cross’ familiar cage. He felt like he was in it more than he was on his motorcycle these days. His agitation did not decrease when Cross pulled into a parking spot outside the diner.
Mount Grove had various eating establishments, but any local knew immediately whatthe dinerwas. It was an easy way of identifying tourists. A number of restaurants had tried and failed to plant roots in Mount Grove, including one well-known franchise, but the locals weren’t having it. There was onlyonediner in this town.
