Cross studied Ranger for so long in silence that Kelly came and went with their coffees. Cross reached for his drink. “The spirit of the one-year rule exists for a reason, but I’ve seen people successfully navigate relationships in early recovery when they go in with their eyes wide open. And you’re smart to want to be up front with her, especially if you think that this person could become important to you. The relationships we cultivate can’t be as meaningless as they once were. The people you allow in your life now have the power to help you in your recovery—or help you fail. What do you know about this woman?”
“Not much,” Ranger begrudgingly confessed. “But I want to know more.”
Cross took a sip of his iced coffee. “Here’s what I tell all my sponsees who are looking to bring someone new into their lives, friend or otherwise. Imagine you are locked in a room with this person and there’s a single table in the center of the room. In your case, a syringe of heroin is sitting on that table. Would this person help you stay sober or watch you relapse?”
Ranger frowned at the mental image that question sparked, his hands tightening on his coffee mug. “I don’t know her very well yet, but she’s a good person. I believe she would help me keep my sobriety.”
“Even good people with good intentions can have negative effects,” Cross warned. “But,” he added brightly, “I am happy for you, and I don’t want to discourage you. I simply want you going into this with your eyes open. This will not be like any other relationship you’ve had in your past.”
Thoughts of Cameron dancing in his head, Ranger muttered, “God, I hope not.”
Cross let out a quick chuckle. “As for how to tell her, there’s a couple of different ways. You can choose to do so alone, or if she knows your sister and Ghost, maybe invite her over to their house so they can help you navigate the conversation. If you prefer, you can also bring her here and I can be present. Regardless of what you choose, in my experience, blunt honesty is your best bet. Don’t sugar coat it. Allow her time to process. Even offer for her to attend an open meeting with you or give her information on Al-Anon. She needs to understand that your sobriety is not a joke or something to be taken lightly. This is your life, and if she chooses to be a part of it, there will be rules.”
Ranger rubbed his forehead. “More rules,” he grumbled. “You know, I had to leave her because of my fucking curfew. Thirty-four years old and I have a fucking curfew like I’m a child. Why the hell would she evenwantto be with me?”
The quick, sharp slap up the backside of his head had enough force that it sent Ranger’s face flying forward, nearly hitting his coffee mug. He had to throw his hands on the table to right himself. Not even waiting for Ranger’s response, Scar walked off to whatever shadow he’d come from while eavesdropping on the diner patrons.
Cross blinked, his eyebrows shooting up into his hair. But he must have pieced together quickly that Scar was with the club, likely from the man’s cut, because he simply picked up his coffee and took a sip. “What he said.”
Ranger let out a long groan while rubbing the back of his head. Of course the only time, other than with Tally, that Scar got over his touch sensitivity was when he was choosing violence.
* * *
Past experience toldToni that if one of her parents relapsed, the other wasn’t far behind. She’d attended meetings with them in the past, heard shares of how couples who were both addicts helped the other keep their sobriety. Even when one stumbled, the other helped them get back up. She remembered wishing her parents were more like that. While she believed that they took their sobriety seriously, she also believed that when one started to fall, the other took it as a sign that they could, too.
After Jumper, who was married to Jasmine, came to retrieve his keys, the two women left, both stating that they needed to start getting ready to go to work. That was when Toni realized that she hadn’t made any effort to call work or tell anyone beyond Susie that she was alive. Thankfully, she knew from reviewing her schedule for today before she left her office yesterday that she’d meant to spend the morning doing case work at her desk, with one witness call scheduled before lunch,and then the occasional client call that afternoon. For her, it was a fairly light day.
From her now-charged phone she was able to contact her secretary to let Gwen know she wasn’t feeling well and would be working from home that day, and asked her to reschedule her witness call to that afternoon. Unfortunately, she had no idea how she was making any of her work calls that day yet, because her briefcase was still at her house. It hadn’t even crossed her mind the night before to take it with her.
She also didn’t have her car, which she felt was the starting catalyst to all the weirdness currently bombarding her perfectly curated schedule. She had no idea how she was going to get back to her house to get her briefcase. Calling Ranger for a ride seemed…awkward, and she wasn’t sure if she had the guts to face him in the daylight.
But she still had several hours before her first call was scheduled, and her priority for the morning had to be figuring out where her mom was.HadToni heard a second person in the house the night before, and if she had, had it been her mother? It had to have been. Who else could it have been? Toni simply wasn’t sure, though. Fear had caused her to think the intruder—her dad—had been charging at her up the stairs, when obviously he hadn’t because she’d shot him in the back. Fear had made her hand so unsteady on the gun that she’d accidentally pulled back so hard that she pulledbothbarrel triggers.
Toni knew better than most how unreliable eye-witness statements were, and it pissed her off that somehow she wasn’t the exception.
Her priority was her mom. Her initial instinct was to call both her parents’ sponsors. She had both their numbers, though she hadn’t spoken to either in some time. She hadn’t had to, but then again, it had been a while since she’d seen either around her parents’ home, too. Had Toni been so caught up with workrecently that she’d lost track of her parents’ sobriety? Was thisherfault, for not keeping a closer eye on them?
Grief over what she’d done the night before tried to take control of her, but Toni forced it back. She could not,would not, break down until she got some answers. But the attorney side of her brain kept her from reaching out to her parents’ sponsors. How would it look if she called asking if they’d seen her parents recently? It might raise some red flags, and Toni had no idea how the club was planning on spinning her father’s sudden absence. Maybe they weren’t. Maybe they’d done their part and had gotten rid of the evidence, and the rest was up to her.
Determined not to sit around on her ass all morning and actuallydosomething, Toni called Sophia. Both Jasmine and Sophia had left their numbers, but Jasmine had mentioned needing to head to work earlier than Sophia did, so Toni thought her chances of getting assistance was better from Sophia, who might not have left yet.
Luck was finally on Toni’s side, and Sophia agreed to let her borrow her car. All Toni had to do was drop her off at the diner on her way. Which worked out great for Toni. Gave her a set of wheels, and she didn’t have to get back to the diner to pick Sophia back up by a certain time because Sophia said her husband, a man named Pirate, could do it.
Toni had to give Sophia credit. Her shiny blueAcuraIntegra handled the mountain roads back up to Toni’s house as beautifully as Toni’s Lexus did.
Her property seemed eerily quiet as she parked Sophia’s car. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting. Maybe a giant neon sign above her roof proclaiming that a murder had occurred here? A river of blood flowing down her front steps? Her father’s freshly dug grave in the dirt where she usually parked her car?
Nausea made her regret eating three donuts that morning. It was harder to compartmentalize her grief and the morbidityof what she’d done as she stood outside her home. As much as she needed to go inside to get her briefcase, Toni suddenly found herself wondering if she even could. What if the club hadn’t finished cleaning up? The sun was too bright for her to see clearly into her living room. But Susie had already been here. Not inside, but she would have knocked and maybe looked through a window while she waited for Toni. If she hadn’t seen anything alarming, did that mean there was nothing to be found?
Calling herself all sorts of cowardly names, Toni turned around and headed across the dirt drive to her parents’ apartment. Maybe if she could just figure out where her mom was and what had happened to her, then she’d be able to gather the courage to head into her home.
Then again, what if she never could go home? Not because of the club, but because of her memories. Every time she went up and down her stairs, would she see her father’s dead body in her stairwell? But this was herhome! What was she supposed to do? Leave it? Where would she go? Buy a new house? She’d still have to go inside to pack.
The roar of a motorcycle coming up the mountain caught her attention. While she had neighbors, none had bikes, and visitors rarely came by this way. It broke her from the trance she found herself in while standing outside her parents’ apartment door, and suddenly she found her heart beating faster. She didn’t know how Ranger had found her, but she was incredibly glad he had. She did not want to go inside her parents’ place or her house alone—but maybe she could if he was with her.
Toni didn’t understand what it was she was feeling towards him, or why. She wasn’t even sure it was healthy to attach herself to someone so quickly, but she also wasn’t sure she cared. Right now, she needed comfort over sanity.
Except the biker pulling into her drive wasn’t Ranger. She didn’t know much about motorcycles, but she remembered Ranger’s had been gray. And the build of the rider was different. Even when he was too far away for her to read his cut, he held himself differently than Ranger.
