Her piece said, Toni twirled her finger between them to indicate he should turn around. Slightly stunned, Ranger obediently gave her his back and lowered himself down for her to climb on again.
As he stood, Toni asked, “Becks, is she okay?”
Ranger nodded. “Yeah. She’s doing really well. And she’s pregnant! It’s not public knowledge yet, which likely means the whole club knows.”
Toni laughed. “The club seems really tight-knit. I like that. Being an only child got lonely sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I had my grandparents, but it wasn’t the same as having siblings. You and Becks seem really close.”
“There’s almost nine years between us. Our birth father was a real piece of work. Beat the shit out of my mom and me every chance he got. Mom always protected me, but one day he went too far. Mom was already pregnant with Becks by then, and she realized she couldn’t protect me and her baby. It was her tipping point. The police officer who arrested our sperm donor didn’t just make the arrest and leave. He kept coming back, kept checking on me and my mom. Soon, it got to the point where my mom needed help because of the pregnancy, and there was no one else for her to call. My birth father had done a really good job of isolating her from her family and former friends, so she turned to the one person she knew wouldn’t judge her mistakes: Andrew Fremont. He was there when Becks was born, even put himself on her birth certificate with my mom’s permission so that Becks never questioned if she was loved or wanted by a father.
“Then, about two years later, they got married. By then, the piece of shit who contributed to half my DNA was in prison and had given up his parental rights to me, which also meant thatAndrew could adopt me. And for the first time in my life, I had a real dad.”
“That’s an incredible story. Sad and heartbreaking, but incredible. Are Andrew and your mom still together?”
Pain pierced Ranger’s heart as he shook his head. “We lost him about ten years ago, shot in the line of duty. He was still walking the streets, so fucking close to retirement too, when he got a call for an armed robbery.”
Her arms squeezed without tightening around his neck. “I’m so sorry.”
“Mom’s here, though, in Mount Grove. Technically, she lives in Alabama still, but I have a feeling with Becks’ pregnancy and my…struggles, she’s going to make the move permanent soon.”
“That explains Edema’s pie comment.”
Amusement replaced sadness as Ranger confessed, “She’s been feeding the meetings I attend. My sponsor says that they’ve been extremely well attended since I joined.”
Toni laughed. “If your mom is that good of a baker, I don’t doubt it.”
“She’s better than good, and it makes her happy. I pissed her off recently. I think she thinks making me bring pies ‘my mommy’ made me is somehow a punishment.”
Rather than laughing again, Toni shifted on his back like she was straightening. “Piss her off? Because of your addiction?”
Ranger immediately came to his mom’s defense. “No! No! God, no. She wanted to be there for me through my recovery, and I wouldn’t let her. I didn’t want her to see me like that. So now I get to deliver pies and cookies, but I’m not allowed to have any until everyone else has had their fill. She made my sponsor swear to that, too, by the way.”
That time Toni did laugh. “Honestly, I love that. I’d love to meet your mom someday.”
He hiked her up a little on his back. “Soon,” he promised. “If we survive tonight, I’ll bring you to the house soon to meet her. She’s going to love you, by the way.”
Toni thunked him on the top of his head. “Don’t say it like that, but yes, I’d love to meet her.” Her voice turned sad as she said, “I was at the meeting tonight looking for my mom. I was stupidly hoping she would have gone there or reached out to Edema for help, but based on what Edema said tonight, she hasn’t seen my mom recently.”
“We don’t have to talk about this now, if you don’t want to.”
Toni leaned the side of her head against his. “No, I need to. And maybe it’ll give you a break from talking about your stuff.”
“Tell me anything you want me to know,” he prompted, honestly grateful for the breather.
“Okay, but you can’t slap me like I did you.”
Ranger froze, mid-step. “I’d never,” he growled. “Spanking you, however,” he swatted her bottom behind him, “is completely on the table.”
Toni wiggled on his back. “Oh, might not want to do that. I like it too much.”
Laughing, Ranger continued his trek. “From your slapping comment, I’m assuming you feel blame for your parents relapsing.”
“How can I not?” she challenged. “I’ve been so busy that I can’t even remember the last time I checked in with them or spoke to their sponsors or attended a meeting with them. What if they’ve been struggling for a while and I never noticed? What if I’m the reason they relapsed? Not to mention what I did to my dad! And now my mom is missing?” He felt her shake her head. “I still keep hoping this is some twisted, fucked-up nightmare that I’m going to wake up from.”
“Yeah, I know that feeling,” Ranger grumbled. “Look, I’ve been in alotof therapy recently. Likea lot, and I can tell youfirsthand that your parents’ choices are not on your shoulders. They chose not to reach out to you andtheychose to start using again. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been busy or if you’ve been spending your days snacking on the couch watching TV. Their sobriety was on them, not you. Just as mine is on me,” he pointed out with conviction.
“But I could have helped. I know the tricks to help distract from the cravings. Mom and I used to go shopping or I’d give my dad housework. I could have helped them if they had just come to me.”
“Yes, but it’s still on them to have accepted that help, Toni. That’s part of what they teach in Al-Anon.”
