Getting emotional over my dead wife wouldn’t help anything. Not in this situation. Plus, I’d long-ago cried all the tears I could over her. That well should be dried up and dusty.
Lana readjusted her seat on the log, brushing my shoulder.
A quick zip of need shot through me. Guilt followed close on its heels.
My jaw clenched, and I fought the urge to get up and pace. I shouldn’t feel any sense of guilt for finding Lana attractive. Cara had been gone for six years. Our vows were until death do us part, not, until death comes for us both.
Besides, I never intended to act on my feelings for Lana. I hadn’t been a monk since Cara died, but I also didn’t mix emotions with sex anymore. With Lana, I’d never be able to separate the two, and I refused to let someone into my heart again. Cara’s death about took me out with it. I didn’t want to live through that again.
I forced my mind onto boring thoughts, like my schedule and how I would need to cancel some tours, and who I’d be making it up to by foisting my clients off on them, so they didn’t lose the money from their plane tickets and other travel costs.
The moment my ankle was well enough, I’d be back out on the mountain. Sitting around with my chickens didn’t pay the bills.
Finally, Deke stood and stretched. “I think it’s time to turn in. Let’s take a trip into the woods for a potty break, and we can all get some sleep.”
Never again would I take a bathroom with a door for granted. I was sure Lana wouldn’t, either.
Once we’d all taken a trip behind a bush, we returned to camp. Deke and Vic ducked into their tents without a word. Toby held the tent flap open to his and waved us inside. I waited for Lana and Dustin, noting that the latter looked ready to keel over with every step.
Inside, I took a quick inventory of the space. Three bedrolls with sleeping bags were set up on three of the four walls. The fourth was bare floor with a balled-up sweatshirt and a thin blanket.
I frowned. “Is that where he’s been sleeping?” I turned to Toby.
The man’s jaw worked, then he nodded.
My eyes narrowed. I looked at Dustin. “You’ll take Lana’s sleeping bag. She and I can share.”
Dustin cast a quick glance at Toby. Our captor just sat down on his own bedroll in front of the doorway and took off his boots.
“Are you sure?” Dustin asked, uttering the first words I’d heard from him all day.
“Absolutely,” Lana said. “You can even use my backpack as a pillow, if you want.”
A watery shimmer appeared in his eyes. “Thank you,” he whispered.
“Get some rest.” She reached out and skimmed his forearm with her fingers.
The tent was small. Four people made it smaller. Dustin practically dove into the sleeping bag after he kicked his boots off and had zipped himself inside within seconds. Lana and I were a little slower, removing not only our boots but our jackets, too, arranging them on her side to use as a pillow.
She climbed into the sleeping bag, tucking herself against the side to make room for me. Like last night, I wiggled in beside her and zipped us in, then rolled to face her.
Neither of us said a word. Her breath fanned over my neck, warming the air between us.
I shut my eyes and pictured my calendar, mentally moving things around.
Her fingers found my shirt and curled into it. “Toren.” Her voice was barely a whisper.
“Yeah?” I breathed.
She didn’t respond. Not in words. Tipping her head in, she tucked it into the crook of my neck.
My arms went around her, needing the physical touch as much as she did. I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, but I’d do whatever I could to get us—Dustin included—out of this alive.
Chapter 20
Lana
Iwoke to the sound of Deke’s voice outside the tent and an arm that had gone completely numb somewhere in the night.
