We came quickly, and at the same time. And we might have been both laughing and crying when I said, “This is not setting a precedent.”
“It’s not.” He smiled, shaking his head.
“I’m serious, Hayes. We can’t do this again…”
“We can in two more minutes.” He curled himself up beside me with his head on my chest, his fingers interlaced with mine, and I felt it: happy. “I missed you, so fucking much,” he said, soft.
“I missed you, too. But I’m serious: this can’t become a habit. I don’t care how far you’ve flown, or how long it’s been—we can’t do this again. Do you understand that?”
He did not respond.
“Hayes?”
“I heard you.”
My hand was in his hair, his coveted hair. “If you keep coming back like this, you’re never going to move on, and youhaveto move on.”
We were both quiet. His phone vibrated on the nightstand, and he ignored it.
He propped himself on one elbow, gazing down at me, his fingers tracing my eyebrows, my cheek.
“Why? Why do I have to move on?”
“Because I can’t be your girlfriend. And I’m not going to be one of your friends you fuck…”
“Do you think I could ever think of you that way?”
“I don’t know.”
His fingers were outlining my lips, trailing down over my chin, my neck. “I could never think of you that way, Solène. I didn’t think of you that way in the beginning, I’m certainly not thinking of you that way now.”
I was quiet. His phone was vibrating again, unanswered. His hand was descending across my clavicle, my breast. The tip of his middle finger drawing circles around my nipple.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m just loving you for a few more minutes before you kick me out.” His voice cracked and I realized he was crying. Again.
“I’m not kicking you out just yet, Hayes.”
He nodded. A tear fell onto the side of my face and he kissed it away. “Sorry.”
His phone vibrated once more, and he reached over to silence it.
“You’re quite popular tonight.”
Whether or not he’d registered what I’d said, he did not respond. His fingers had returned to my chest, descending, traveling over my belly to my navel and back up again.
I stilled his hand then with my own and, without saying a word, guided it down between my legs.
For a second, he resisted. “You said no.”
“Now I’m saying yes.”
“You’re very confusing. You realize that, don’t you?”
I nodded. God, his fingers. “You’re already here.”
“So if I’m already here, it’s fine. But if I’m not already here, I can’t come back?”
