“No.”
“Then I don’t think you really believe that. If you did, you wouldn’t be here. I think you care what other people might be thinking, or saying, and that’s what’s fucking you up.”
I paused. “How do you not care?”
“Do you know how muchshitgets said about me? Do you know how many fucks I give? Zero.”
I sat there, watching him finger his sunglasses on the table.
“Do you know what they’ve said about me? I’m gay, I’m bi, I’m sleeping with Oliver, I’m sleeping with Simon, I’m sleeping with Liam, I’m sleeping with all three at the same time. I’m sleeping with Jane, our manager, who is attractive, but no. I’ve slept with at least three different actresses I’ve never even spoken to. I have ruined no fewer than four marriages on three different continents, and I have at least two kids… I’mtwenty. When thefuckwould I have crammed that all in?”
I started to laugh.
“I wish I was making this up, Solène, but I’m not. Which is why you can’t believe everything you read on the Internet. Oh, and Rihanna may or may not have written a song about me. Because we may or may not have had sex…”
“Did you have sex with Rihanna?”
He gave me a look then that I could not quite decipher. It seemed equal partsHow dare you think I did?andHow dare you ask me?
“Does Rihanna even write her own songs?”
“You’re missing the point here.”
“I’m sorry. Go on.”
“I’m really happy when I’m with you. I get the feeling you feel the same way. And if that’s true, I don’t think you should give a fuck about what people may or may not think of our age difference. Furthermore, if our ages were reversed, no one would bat an eyelash. Am I right? So now it’s just some sexist, patriarchalcrap, and you don’t strike me as the kind of woman who’s going to let that dictate her happiness. All right? Next issue…”
Our waiter came to the table then, and naturally neither of us had looked at the menu.
“Encore un moment, s’il vous plaît,” Hayes said, dismissing him.
When he’d parted, Hayes leaned forward, grabbing both my hands. “I think when we go home, you need to tell Isabelle the truth. I don’t think we can do this again without telling her. I don’t think it’s fair to her. And I want to do this again.”
“We’re covering a lot today.”
“I’m trying to get it all in before you turn forty.” He smiled hishalf smile. “Plus when we’re at the hotel I can’t seem to manage a proper conversation because I have a hard time thinking about anything but fucking you.
“So…” He sat back, opening his menu. “Fancy a tea?”
After, outside, heading north on the narrow street, Hayes wrapped his arm around me, protective.
“Let’s find atabac,” he said. “I want a cigarette.”
I looked up at him, amused. “Oh-kay…”
“I didn’t have sex with Rihanna,” he announced, and then he grinned. “But not for want of trying. Apparently, I’m not her type.”
“You’re not bad enough.” I smiled.
“I’m not bad enough.”
“You’re bad enough for me.”
We spent the early evening wandering through the Marais and over to the Île Saint-Louis, where we strolled down the Quai de Bourbon to the Place Louis Aragon, the western tip of the island that looked out over the Seine and the Île de la Cité and Notre-Dame and all the things about Paris that were magical to me. We sat there huddled on a bench, drinking in the view and each other, until our appendages were numb. It was the perfect place to watch the sun set on my thirties. And it very well may have been worth 60,000 euros.
Later that night, Hayes and I slipped into the bar at the George V for a drink and some inspired people watching. The room was insufferably old-world: cherrywood panels, stenciled parquet floors, velvet drapes. Charcoal drawings of foxhunts and eighteenth-century-style portraits gracing the walls. There were various couples dallying over thirty-dollar cocktails. Curious pairings,unexpected. Perhaps not unlike us. We surveyed it all from our perch on the chintz sofa beside the fireplace.
For all its pomp, Hayes seemed decidedly at home in the stodgy bar, swilling from his Scotch like one of the landed gentry. He was so poised and comfortable in his skin; sonatural, it was beautiful to watch.
