“I’m sorry. I told you the other day that I suffered horrible migraines as a teenager.” I open my eyes and look directly into his. “I haven’t had one for a long time. The reason I didn’t hear your first text was because I was at the doctor’s office trying to figure out why the hell they’re back.” My voice rises despite my best efforts to keep it steady. I hesitate, calm myself. “The appointment put us behind, so we had no choice but to work late.”
“We?” He raises his eyebrows at me. “You and Walt, right?”
I take a deep breath, hoping it will slow the pounding in my chest. “He is my partner.”
“I don’t see why you don’t marry him. After all, the two of you are always together. He knows all your secrets. Takes you to the doctor. I saw the way he took care of you at your father’s funeral. You are more than partners, Olivia. I’d have to be blind not to have seen it.”
That part is true. Walt and I are more than partners. We are friends. Good friends. From the day we became partners, he has been a friend and mentor to me. “Walt didn’t ask me to marry him,” I say. “You did and I said yes.”
My words take the fire out of him, at least for a moment.
“Then why doesn’t it feel like you want to be with me?”
I hold my breath. Now would be a good time to tell him about the baby. And it is a baby. Not just a pregnancy. There’s another human growing inside me. One David and I created together.
I can’t. Not yet. He’s already crowding me to the point I feel as if I can’t breathe.
“I’m sorry about missing dinner with your family. I truly am,” I say carefully. “I’m even sorrier that you’re having doubts about our relationship. Relationships go through stages, David. It’s normal for one or both of us to have the occasional doubt or misgiving.”
He scoffs. “Do not try psychoanalyzing me or our relationship, Olivia.”
“My father was the shrink, not me.” Not just any shrink. The top shrink in the city.
He exhales a big breath. “It feels like you are pulling away from me. I just don’t understand.”
I mentally grasp for how to reassure him when I can’t even reassure myself. “I’m not pulling away. I’m just a little overwhelmed.”
Control is everything.
My father’s voice echoes in my ears.
The only person who can take it from you is you, Olivia. Do not look back, only forward. What happened in the past is irrelevant. All that matters is what happens now.
David pulls me into his arms. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m not trying to make you more stressed.”
“I’m really, really sorry, too.” I hug him back, feeling the warmth and promise of his arms. He does love me. And I love him. I don’t know what is happening to me. I feel so out of control. “I will call your mother in the morning and apologize. I will make sure I check my phone more frequently in the future so I don’t miss your texts. I let you down, and I will do all in my power not to let it happen again.”
He draws back and touches my cheek, tracing a tear I didn’t realize had fallen. In that instant, staring into his beautiful eyes, I see the man who stole my heart. He is kind and considerate. He will be a good father and a good husband. I want very much to find a way to work this out. To take us back to the way things were before ... whatever changed. Before, I acknowledge, these self-doubts began.
“Thank you.” His hands slide down my arms and take mine. “Forget about the boxes for tonight. Let’s go upstairs.” He searches my face, worry seizing his once more. “As long as you’re feeling up to it.”
Rather than answer, I kiss him. I kiss him until we both lose our breath.
He takes me in his arms and carries me upstairs.
He needs this right now. We both do.
Eight
Dana Reeves
“They know.”
Fear slides through me like icy cut glass. It at once freezes my insides and rips me apart. I stare at Janie and hope to God she is wrong. Really, how could they know? We were so careful. Still, after I told her every detail of the detectives’ visit to my office, she says this. As much as I hate to admit it at the moment, she is usually right in her assessments.
“Someone must have seen us,” Janie insists. She plants her hands on her hips and swears.
I collapse into the nearest chair. Think of the way the two detectives watched me so closely. Looking for a potential lie, no doubt. “I suppose that’s possible.” I close my eyes and force the idea away. Why did we do it? It was a ridiculous attempt at doing what the law should have done years ago. But it was obviously a mistake, and now we can’t take it back. Dread congeals in my gut.
