Viktor grimaces. “What?”
I force myself to take in a breath and ignore the steadyhumbeneath my skin. It’s wrong, and I know it’s wrong. It’s selfish and self-gratifying.
“Lukas.” Spreading his fingers, Viktor rakes them through his hair, pleading when he says, “Pleasedon’t continue the cycle. You’re better than that. Better than them.”
Better thanthem.
Better than our horrific monstrous parents.
Who I am, actually,just like.
Calmly, I say, “How dare you suggest that I would ever,evercontinue our parents’ abuse cycle, Viktor?”
Sticking an index finger in the air, he begins counting our many similarities. “You’re controlling.”
Yep. But isn’t everyone?
Another finger. “You’re unpredictable.”
Sure. That’s just part of my charm.
“You’re sadistic.”
My nails bite into my flesh as I lose my facade of calm. “I do try to curb that one.”
“And, yet, you fail. Often.”
“At least I apologize and own up to it when I go too far. I might not be asprincelyas Zakery when I tease, but I’m not a monster.”
So long as you ignore the fact that I am, exactly, amonster.
Merciless, Viktor lays my sins out for me to see, and hate. “Lukas, you prey on attention. We know that. You seek out ownership, just like our parents used to. You thrill in the spotlights. You soak up adoration. And even when you doown up to it, there is still an amount of damage that winds up done when you gotoo far.” He blows out a breath and cusses. “You demand loyalty in unhealthy ways. If Clara has been abused, is she here because you’re actually interested in helping her? Or…are you just trying to become her next master?”
The idea of being someone’smastersends a wicked sensation hurtling through me, but I fight it. I fight the desire to own, to control. I fight themonsterinside me. Because I hate it. Ihateit. I have to hate it. Especially right now. Because right now? An innocent, beautiful woman hangs in the balance of my selfish decisions. “I can’t believe you’d suggest I’m trying to take advantage of her.”
“Areyou?”
Bitterness swells in my mouth, tasting like iron, and I give up. I can’t convince myself any better than I’ll be able to convince Viktor.
So.
What’s the point of pretending?
I close the foot of space between Viktor and me, looming the few inches I have above him to hiss, “Ilovethat look in her eyes… I’m going to give hereverything. I’m going to make her strong enough to get rid of it. And then…thenI’m going to see if it comes back just for me. If it does, I’m going to make itmine. And if I ever find out who caused it…I’m going to crush them into dust for her.” I rake in a shaking breath. “I was struckthe moment I saw her, Viktor.Neverbefore has someone been so capable of awakening this beast in me. I can’t stop thinking about her. I can’t stop thinking about how beautiful she might become formysake. I want to own her—once there’s an actualherto own.” My eyes narrow. “Do you have aproblemwith that, big bro?”
Pain trickles into Viktor’s dark eyes, but all he murmurs is, “I worry about you.”
My lip curls. “Don’t worry about me. Worry abouther.” I swallow, step back, look away. “Worry about her and…stop me if you know I won’t be able to live with myself afterward.”
“I think you should stop yourself before there’s a chance of that, Lukas.”
Lifting my chin, I turn on my heel and say, “No, thanks. I’m going to do what I always do: make bad decisions first, and hate myself later.”
“I’m here for you,” he says as I start walking back toward the kitchen. “I love you.”
Oh sure.Nowhe loves me. After telling me how awful and rotten I am.
“Don’t be a sap, Viktor,” I grumble.
