Chapter 8
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Friends.
Lukas
I want to kiss her. I want, very badly, to sweep Clara into my arms, say disastrously flirtatious things, and then kiss her while she’s a blushing mess. Exercise is supposed to burn the vibrating excess energy inside my body out, but when Clara’s around, every muscle in me only aches for her.
“So the god system makes no sense,” she’s saying, while I mindlessly complete reps I’ve lost count of, watch her lips move, record every word in my mind, and ignore the burn, “which I suppose—to the author’s credit—is realistic. The real world has so many different belief systems, and they don’t make sense when they collide either, but I’m not trying to read a history book, Karen!” Clara tosses her hand up with so muchflair.
Friiick…She’s so cute. My breaths stutter a little—completely unrelated to whatever rep I’m on now.
She continues, melting me into nothingness as my great big ego makes way forher, her, her. “I’mtryingto pretend it’s possible for me to be chosen by a dragon in a fantasy world.” Her fingers twist, twist, twist against the pretty blue cloth of her off-shoulder dress. It’s frilled, and she keeps folding the frills like paper fans. “Ultimately, your entire library is full of epics with world building so detailed it makes my brain hurt.”
I chuckle; my poor muscles sob. “Yeah, that sounds like Viktor.”
Her lashes flutter. “It’s Viktor’s library?”
“For the most part. What genre do you prefer? I’ll stock some shelves for you.”
Her face explodes crimson, and her head shakes as she releases her dress to splay her fingers, shaking them in full denial and rejection of my love and affection. “No, no. You’ve done so much for me already. I’m sorry. I wasn’t complaining. I like fantasy.”
“What do you prefer?” Careful to keep the weights I’m pumping from clanging, I raise the bar on the lat pulldown. “Romance?”
Her gaze drifts, then she shakes her head again. “No, really, King. Please. I don’t even like thinking about everything you’ve already bought for me.” She stands. “I shouldn’t even be down here right now. I should be making you a protein shake, or a smoothie, something cool and refreshing for after your workout.”
Yeah,oryou could stop thinking it’s your “job” to be my chef, and instead just keep looking at me. “Sit down.”
Her rump returns to my weight bench, and I quell the delight that ripples through my sore muscles. I’m likely at least a hundred reps over what I intended, but I’m going to drag this workout on forever until I’m a puddle of pain and goo. Anything to keep her here, talking to me.
A dreadful thought occurs.
“Now…” Relinquishing the bar to begin a betterkeep her near me for longerscheme, I stretch my neck and lean forward. “…what kind of romance? Want me to take you to the bookstore? Let you pick anything you want?”
“I…couldn’t.”
“Don’t be selfish, cupcake.”
A spark of pain streaks through her eyes, and I immediately regret my word choice. Who’s been calling herselfishandmeaning it? Who couldpossiblybe that stupid? Clara is the least self-centered person I know.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I don’t mean to be. I’m trying not to be.”
“No.I’msorry, E-clair-a. I’m teasing. You’re not selfish at all. You’re trying to keep from taking more for yourself. But, consider, showering you with gifts makes me happy. Having you ask for things, hearingplease, makes me very, very happy.”
Wary, she watches me, thoughts mulling, then she whispers something I don’t think she would have dared to just last week, when I was holding her to help her regulate during a panic attack.
This is progress. Her justbeingdown here in my workout room and talking to me is progress.
It’s proof she’s starting to feel safer.
Safe enough to ask: “Is that because of your…attention cravings?”
Yep. Very much so. My desire to hear people saypleaseis twisted. It’s my control issues and my ego having an ugly baby. When someone saysplease, it means I possess the ability to fulfill or deny their requests. Placing a person’s fate in my hands is crippling in its allure. I’m a power-starved mongrel, wishing it weren’t so morally fricked up to tie puppet strings to human beings and make them dance to my tunes. I want to sing the world into my stupor.
I want to know I’m in power.
And that…is disgusting.Monstrous.
